# 1782

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♥

 

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my
obsession with the 60's group The Monkees.
I thought she was joking...
And then I saw her face...

 

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The French will eat almost anything.
A young cook, Jean Luc, decided that the French
would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise
rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants
in the city.
Jean Luc searched all over Paris seeking a suitable
place to raise his rabbits. None could be found.
Finally, an old priest, Father Pierre, at the cathedral
said he could have a small area behind the rectory
for his rabbits.
Jean Luc successfully raised a number of them,
and when he went about Paris selling them.
One restaurant owner asked him where he got such
fresh rabbits. Jean Luc replied with a smile,
 'I raise them myself, near the cathedral.
In fact, I have ... a hutch back of Notre Dame.'

 

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~Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to
put her picture on the milk truck.
~Yo mama's so fat, when she hauls arse, she has to
make two trips.
~Yo mama's so fat, when she dances at a club,
she makes the band skip.
~Yo mama's so fat, on Halloween she trick or treats
two houses at a time.
~Yo mama's so fat, she fills up the bath tub,
and then she turns on the water.
~Yo mama's so fat, they had to grease a door frame
and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her
through.
~Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator,
it has to go down.

 

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Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation,
can you help?
'No, but I can introduce you to a woman
with attention deficit disorder."

 

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Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one
baby called to the other, "Are you a little girl or a
little boy?"
"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the
first baby.
"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference,"
was the reply.
"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling,
"I'll climb into your crib and find out."
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other
baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the
blankets.
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a
big grin on his face.
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said
proudly.
 "You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl,
"but how can you tell?"
"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy,
"you've got pink socks and I've got blue ones."

 

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Last night I was stopped for speeding and I told the
Police: "let's not point fingers here.
Let's find out what went wrong and make sure it
doesn't happen again".
Apparently that only works for Hillary Clinton.
 

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I'm giving up on spraying deodorants in the new year.
Roll on 2012.

 

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I went on a blind date last night.
After walking into the restaurant and introducing
myself, she looked at me with a puzzled face and said,
"You're old, fat and bald."
"Does it matter?" I asked.
"Yes it does," she replied.
"You told me that you was slim with dark hair."
"I was luv, but that was in 1976."

 

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Just bought a Ken doll.
I don't know what everyone's talking about, you
can't read books on this thing.

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