••••••
•••
♥
"You're the worst train driver ever" said my boss.
"How many trains have you derailed to date?"
"It's hard to keep track" I said.
••
While driving along the back roads of a small town,
two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read
CLEARANCE 11'3."
They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4."
"What do you think?" one asked the other.
The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first.
"Not a cop in sight...... Let's take a chance!"
two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read
CLEARANCE 11'3."
They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4."
"What do you think?" one asked the other.
The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first.
"Not a cop in sight...... Let's take a chance!"
••
Have you ever been drunk in the middle of the day?
And I dont mean a couple of cocktails with lunch --
I mean like severely messed up.
Its weird because you can't even properly relate to people
anymore.
I was like, What do you mean I can't get an Egg McMuffin?
What -- because its after 11?...... Thats ridiculous.
He's like, No, sir, because this is a bank.
And I dont mean a couple of cocktails with lunch --
I mean like severely messed up.
Its weird because you can't even properly relate to people
anymore.
I was like, What do you mean I can't get an Egg McMuffin?
What -- because its after 11?...... Thats ridiculous.
He's like, No, sir, because this is a bank.
••
Bloopers from Sunday School Students......
•Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea,
where they made unleavened bread,
which is bread made without any ingredients.
•Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten
Amendments.
•The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat
the apple.
•The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit
adultery.
•Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea,
where they made unleavened bread,
which is bread made without any ingredients.
•Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten
Amendments.
•The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat
the apple.
•The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit
adultery.
••
Gus: Walter, your wife is a lovely woman.
Walter: Shes getting old.
Gus: Well, you know, they say that women age like fine
wine.
Walter: Shes aging like milk.
Walter: Shes getting old.
Gus: Well, you know, they say that women age like fine
wine.
Walter: Shes aging like milk.
••
Walter: I aint afraid of the cops around Here.
You seen some of these guys?
What, cops on bicycles?
How intimidating is this: Alright buddy, pull it over.
Ching-ching-ching?
What do they do when they arrest somebody?
Alright, get in the basket.....
What, cops on bicycles?
How intimidating is this: Alright buddy, pull it over.
Ching-ching-ching?
What do they do when they arrest somebody?
Alright, get in the basket.....
••
Ten Unusual Baggage Left Behind On London's Public
Transport System;
1. Samurai sword
2. Prosthetic arm
3. A coffin
4. A stuffed fox
5. A puffer fish
6. A lawnmower
7. a park bench
8. 2nd world war gas masks
9. A home vasectomy kit
10. A pair of breast implants..
Transport System;
1. Samurai sword
2. Prosthetic arm
3. A coffin
4. A stuffed fox
5. A puffer fish
6. A lawnmower
7. a park bench
8. 2nd world war gas masks
9. A home vasectomy kit
10. A pair of breast implants..
••
"What grounds do you think you have?" asked the attorney
whom the woman was consulting about a divorce.
"My husband keeps bringing his work home with him
night after night!" exclaimed the client.
"But that's hardly grounds for divorce," smiled the attorney. "Why, I do that myself."
"Sure, I can see a man doing it if he's a lawyer," snapped
the woman, "but my husband's a pimp."
••
whom the woman was consulting about a divorce.
"My husband keeps bringing his work home with him
night after night!" exclaimed the client.
"But that's hardly grounds for divorce," smiled the attorney. "Why, I do that myself."
"Sure, I can see a man doing it if he's a lawyer," snapped
the woman, "but my husband's a pimp."
••
