Down Hummingbird Lane

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Useless Knowledge;
The biggest fish in the world are the whale shark at
50,000 pounds, the basking shark at 32,000 pounds,
the great white shark at 7,000 pounds, the Greenland
shark at 2,250 pounds, and the tiger shark at 2,070 pounds.

 

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Stop repeat offenders.
Don't re-elect them!

 

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"Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the man's young
granddaughter.
"What's there to be proud of?" asked the old man.
"I noticed that when you sneeze you've learned to put your
hand in front of your mouth."
 "Of course," explained Grandpa.
"How else can I catch my teeth?"

 

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A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic.
Her husband says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.
"Here boy!" she replies.

 

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A little girl...keeps sucking her thumb and her mom gets
worried because sucking your thumb isn't usually good
for you.
 Her mom says "If you don't stop sucking your thumb you
will blow up like a balloon!"
 The little girl stops sucking her thumb and in about a
week her mother is happy, but about two weeks after the
girl stopped sucking her thumb the girl saw a woman that
was pregnant.
She goes up to the lady and says,
"I know what you've been doing."

 

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I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.
Please don't buy it.

 

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Two women were talking. "What happened to you and
that last guy you dated for so long," asked Jane?
"Oh, HIM," exclaimed June.
My God, Jane, he was just too big for me."
"Oh," Jane giggled! "Wow! Really? Too big for you, huh?"
"Yep," replied June.
"He sure was… a big liar, a big jerk, and a big asshole!"

 

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There are moments when everything goes well,
but don't be frightened.

 

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