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One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches
into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to
the chemist.
Could you taste this for me, please?"
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth,
swills the liquid around and swallows it.
Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.
No, not at all," says the chemist.
Oh that's a relief," says Paddy.
"The doctor told me to come here and get my urine
tested for sugar."
into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to
the chemist.
Could you taste this for me, please?"
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth,
swills the liquid around and swallows it.
Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.
No, not at all," says the chemist.
Oh that's a relief," says Paddy.
"The doctor told me to come here and get my urine
tested for sugar."
••
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun.
But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
••
When politicians get the flu, you never know which way
they're going to vote.
Sometimes the eyes have it, and sometimes the nose.
they're going to vote.
Sometimes the eyes have it, and sometimes the nose.
••
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after
Blue Ray?
I don’t want to have to restart my collection...again.
Blue Ray?
I don’t want to have to restart my collection...again.
••
A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday,
so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in and
he said, "Yeah, okay."
I said I'm just making a cup of tea do you want one?
He said, "Yeah, sure."
I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice?
He said, "Yeah, why not."
I then he sat down and I asked him, "So what now?"
He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before!"
A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday,
so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in and
he said, "Yeah, okay."
I said I'm just making a cup of tea do you want one?
He said, "Yeah, sure."
I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice?
He said, "Yeah, why not."
I then he sat down and I asked him, "So what now?"
He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before!"
••
Today was my first day working at the saw mill.
Cut my first board and the boss says "Too many knots in
that one.
Go get the knot eraser."
Spent the rest of the day looking but never found the knot
eraser.
A co-worker told me they keep it next to the board stretcher.
I'll look some more tomorrow.
Today was my first day working at the saw mill.
Cut my first board and the boss says "Too many knots in
that one.
Go get the knot eraser."
Spent the rest of the day looking but never found the knot
eraser.
A co-worker told me they keep it next to the board stretcher.
I'll look some more tomorrow.
••
Billy and Bobby were brothers, and they often had fights
with each other.
Last Saturday their mother said to them, "I'm going to
cook our lunch now.
Go out and play in the garden - and be good."
"Yes, Mummy." the two boys answered, and they went out.
They played in the garden for half an hour, and then
Billy ran into the kitchen, "Mummy, " he said, "Bobby's
broken a window in Mrs. Allens' house."
"He's a bad boy," his mother said.
"How did he break it?"
"I threw a stone at him," Billy answered,"and he quickly
ducked."
with each other.
Last Saturday their mother said to them, "I'm going to
cook our lunch now.
Go out and play in the garden - and be good."
"Yes, Mummy." the two boys answered, and they went out.
They played in the garden for half an hour, and then
Billy ran into the kitchen, "Mummy, " he said, "Bobby's
broken a window in Mrs. Allens' house."
"He's a bad boy," his mother said.
"How did he break it?"
"I threw a stone at him," Billy answered,"and he quickly
ducked."
••
Last week my redneck friend from work decided
to have a moustache and beard growing competition.
I still can't believe his wife won.
to have a moustache and beard growing competition.
I still can't believe his wife won.
••
Hospitality: making your guests feel like
they're at home, even if you wish they were.
they're at home, even if you wish they were.
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