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Useless Knowledge;
The humps on a camel’s back are not water.
They are actually huge heaps of fat and flesh that can
weigh as much as 80 pounds in a healthy camel.
But the backbone of a camel is straight, not curved.
The humps on a camel’s back are not water.
They are actually huge heaps of fat and flesh that can
weigh as much as 80 pounds in a healthy camel.
But the backbone of a camel is straight, not curved.
••
Last time I was on JetBlue, there was a dude next to me
who looked a little suspicious.
I was nervous.
He was watching a movie, though; so Im thinking,
Would a hijacker watch a movie?
Probably not, right?... But you know its a good movie if
you land, and hes like, Oh my God, I forgot to hijack the
plane.
who looked a little suspicious.
I was nervous.
He was watching a movie, though; so Im thinking,
Would a hijacker watch a movie?
Probably not, right?... But you know its a good movie if
you land, and hes like, Oh my God, I forgot to hijack the
plane.
••
I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and
it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page
technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page
technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
••
When a new dentist set up in town he quickly acquired
a reputation of being the 'Painless' dentist.
However a local little girl called Amber disputed his
claim.
'He's a fake!' Amber told her friends.
'He's not painless at all.
When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him -
and he screamed like anyone else.'
When a new dentist set up in town he quickly acquired
a reputation of being the 'Painless' dentist.
However a local little girl called Amber disputed his
claim.
'He's a fake!' Amber told her friends.
'He's not painless at all.
When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him -
and he screamed like anyone else.'
••
Superman once watched an episode of Walker,
Texas Ranger.
He then cried himself to sleep.
Texas Ranger.
He then cried himself to sleep.
••
I'm just not good with computers.... I remain not good.
I had to call up the tech support guy this week,
get some help with the home computer.
He starts asking me questions, What kind of operating
system have you got there, sir?
Uh, electricity, I think.
Yeah, I've been plugging into my wall.
I've been having some luck with that...
I had to call up the tech support guy this week,
get some help with the home computer.
He starts asking me questions, What kind of operating
system have you got there, sir?
Uh, electricity, I think.
Yeah, I've been plugging into my wall.
I've been having some luck with that...
••
Jeff Dunham: Did you get the tattoo?
Walter: Hell no.
Jeff Dunham: Well if you had, what would you have
gotten?
Walter: I would have gotten a beautiful womans face.
Jeff Dunham: Ah, and where would you have put it?
Walter: On my wifes face.
Walter: Hell no.
Jeff Dunham: Well if you had, what would you have
gotten?
Walter: I would have gotten a beautiful womans face.
Jeff Dunham: Ah, and where would you have put it?
Walter: On my wifes face.
••
People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they
get older.
What are they doing? Cramming for finals?
get older.
What are they doing? Cramming for finals?
••
I disagree with Kay Jewelers.
I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more
kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more
kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
••
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a
butcher shop and steals a roast.
Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running
unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store,
do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from
the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50.
Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check
for $8.50 Several days later the butcher opens the mail
and finds a bill from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a
butcher shop and steals a roast.
Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running
unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store,
do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from
the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50.
Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check
for $8.50 Several days later the butcher opens the mail
and finds a bill from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.
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