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Useless Knowledge;
The flying snake of Java and Malaysia is able to flatten
itself out like a ribbon and sail like a glider from tree to tree.
The flying snake of Java and Malaysia is able to flatten
itself out like a ribbon and sail like a glider from tree to tree.
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Before performing a baptism, the priest approached
the young father and said solemnly,
"Baptism is a serious step....... Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied, "My wife has made
appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty
of cookies and cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded.
"I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply.
"I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
the young father and said solemnly,
"Baptism is a serious step....... Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied, "My wife has made
appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty
of cookies and cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded.
"I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply.
"I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
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Message to all Muslims:
China said that Mohammad loves it up the shitter.
Just try picking a fight with them......
China said that Mohammad loves it up the shitter.
Just try picking a fight with them......
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I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars
team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
Stay strong brothers and sisters.
team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
Stay strong brothers and sisters.
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When I changed jobs they told me I had to work out.
I was like, I don't wanna do that.
They gave me this trainer, and the dude was like...
The most important thing is, you can't eat late at night
or youll get fat.
And I'm like, Forget that, you supposed to eat late at night.
He was like, No you not.
I'm like, Well, why they put a light in the refrigerator?
When I changed jobs they told me I had to work out.
I was like, I don't wanna do that.
They gave me this trainer, and the dude was like...
The most important thing is, you can't eat late at night
or youll get fat.
And I'm like, Forget that, you supposed to eat late at night.
He was like, No you not.
I'm like, Well, why they put a light in the refrigerator?
••
While vacationing, we were stopped on the road by a
police officer for exceeding the posted speed limit.
Trying to think of some way out of the predicament,
I said to the officer, "Do you realize how much money
we've spent in this area today?"
"Well" replied the officer, "you're about to spend a
little more."
police officer for exceeding the posted speed limit.
Trying to think of some way out of the predicament,
I said to the officer, "Do you realize how much money
we've spent in this area today?"
"Well" replied the officer, "you're about to spend a
little more."
••
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to
the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes
looking back at him.
He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's
kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?"
Gramma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma"
exclaimed Johnny.
"There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny.
He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt
no one.
Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me
as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes
looking back at him.
He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's
kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?"
Gramma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma"
exclaimed Johnny.
"There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny.
He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt
no one.
Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me
as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
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If electricity comes from electrons...
does that mean that morality comes from morons?
does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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After accepting an invitation to dance with a rather
prematurely balding man, Kate, 25 years of age,
wanted to lighten the mood and said, "Well, God was good
to you, gave you a handsome face and room for another
one."
prematurely balding man, Kate, 25 years of age,
wanted to lighten the mood and said, "Well, God was good
to you, gave you a handsome face and room for another
one."
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