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You have to wonder about Osama bin laden.....
Whats worse:
The fact he was found and killed, or that he now has to
explain to a bunch of suicide bombers where their virgins
are.
Whats worse:
The fact he was found and killed, or that he now has to
explain to a bunch of suicide bombers where their virgins
are.
••
You might be a red neck if you refer to the 5th grade
as "my senior year."
as "my senior year."
••
My favorite band in high school was The Clash.
Remember The Clash?
They had this one song early on that my boys and I used
to use as our little greeting to each other.
We thought we were cool.
It was called, Stay Free.
We'd be like, Hey man, stay free.
Then one day, out of nowhere, it became a feminine
hygiene product.
We couldnt use it anymore.
Then we were like, Hey man -- you know.
Remember The Clash?
They had this one song early on that my boys and I used
to use as our little greeting to each other.
We thought we were cool.
It was called, Stay Free.
We'd be like, Hey man, stay free.
Then one day, out of nowhere, it became a feminine
hygiene product.
We couldnt use it anymore.
Then we were like, Hey man -- you know.
••
Jeff Dunham: I like Aquaman.
He can breathe underwater and talk to fish.
Melvin: Yeah, great.....
He has all the same powers as Spongebob.
Jeff Dunham: How about the Hulk?
Melvin: Why do you like the Hulk?
Jeff Dunham: Well, the angrier he gets, the stronger
he gets.
Melvin: Yeah, like every white-trash guy on Cops.
He can breathe underwater and talk to fish.
Melvin: Yeah, great.....
He has all the same powers as Spongebob.
Jeff Dunham: How about the Hulk?
Melvin: Why do you like the Hulk?
Jeff Dunham: Well, the angrier he gets, the stronger
he gets.
Melvin: Yeah, like every white-trash guy on Cops.
••
My wife and I were dining out with our children one
evening.
Our four-year-old son caught the eye of a woman at the
next table who smiled at him, and he smiled back.
When she got up to leave, we encouraged Roy
to say goodbye.
She leaned over and said, with a smile, "Good night,
young man."
Roy looked up at her, with an equal big smile, and said,
"Good night, old lady."
evening.
Our four-year-old son caught the eye of a woman at the
next table who smiled at him, and he smiled back.
When she got up to leave, we encouraged Roy
to say goodbye.
She leaned over and said, with a smile, "Good night,
young man."
Roy looked up at her, with an equal big smile, and said,
"Good night, old lady."
••
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light.
Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the
dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the
dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
••
Q: Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
A: The outside.
A: The outside.
••
A Yankee was driving through the south when he decided
he wanted to buy a pig.
He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to
buy a 100 pound pig.
The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and
picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth.
The farmer said, "This one will go a little over a 100".
Astonished the Yankee said, "Who are you trying to fool?
You can't weigh a pig that way".
The farmer laughed and called to his young son,
"Boy, come over here and weigh that pig for this man".
The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig by
its tail with his teeth.
Turning to his father the boy said, " This here pig weighs
about 100 pounds".
The Yankee was having no part of this so in order to
convince him the farmer told his son to go to the house
and get his mother so she could weigh the pig.
After a short delay the son returned and said, "Ma says
she will be right down after she's finished weighing the
mailman".
he wanted to buy a pig.
He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to
buy a 100 pound pig.
The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and
picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth.
The farmer said, "This one will go a little over a 100".
Astonished the Yankee said, "Who are you trying to fool?
You can't weigh a pig that way".
The farmer laughed and called to his young son,
"Boy, come over here and weigh that pig for this man".
The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig by
its tail with his teeth.
Turning to his father the boy said, " This here pig weighs
about 100 pounds".
The Yankee was having no part of this so in order to
convince him the farmer told his son to go to the house
and get his mother so she could weigh the pig.
After a short delay the son returned and said, "Ma says
she will be right down after she's finished weighing the
mailman".
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