Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

What’s the difference between the first honeymoon and the
second?
First honeymoon, Niagara.
Second honeymoon, Viagra...

 

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A jew and a chinaman are sitting in a bar.
The jew punches the chinaman and says, "That's for Pearl
Harbor"
The chinaman says "I'm Chinese.
Pearl Harbor was attacked by Japanese."
The jew says "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all
the same."
 So the chinaman punches the jew and says,
"That's for the Titanic"
The jew says "What?
The Titanic was sunk by an ice berg."
The chinaman says "Greenberg, Goldberg, ice berg,
you're all the same."

 

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Evening news is where they begin with  'Good evening',
and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

 

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A man came to see the doctor about his constant fatigue.
The doctor said “I’m afraid you’re going to have to give up
sex.”
 The man said, “But I’m a young guy.
I’m in the prime of my life.
How can I just give up sex?”
 “Well,” the doctor said, “you do what everyone does.
You get married and you taper off gradually.”

 

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A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and
you held on to it.

 

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I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having
an affair.
She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?
And that, my friend, is the sad definition of 'OLD'!

 

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They say no woman ever made a fool out of you.
So who did?

 

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THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

 

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You have a good weapon against muggers --
your face!