••••••
•••
♥
USA Today has come out with a new survey:
Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent
of the population.
Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent
of the population.
••
A thief broke into my house last night ...
He started searching for money so I woke up
and searched with him.
He started searching for money so I woke up
and searched with him.
••
I played basketball for five years, and I was a benchwarmer
all five years.
If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you
the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on
a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to
break them away -- then theyre just pants.
all five years.
If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you
the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on
a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to
break them away -- then theyre just pants.
••
The Vatican has unveiled a email address for the new Pope.
In related news, the Pope has received a confidential
financial offer from the President of Nigeria.
In related news, the Pope has received a confidential
financial offer from the President of Nigeria.
••
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a
check-up.
He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me
what's wrong with me."
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor.
"Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said the man.
"I'm a teetotaler........ Never touch a drop."
"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied the man.
"Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it."
"Well, uh," said the doctor, "do you have much sex life?"
"Oh, no!" said the man.
"Sex is sin.
I'm in bed by 10:30 every night, and I always have been."
The doctor paused, looked hard at the man, and asked,
"Well, do you have pains in your head?"
"Yes," said the man.
"I have terrible pains in my head."
"OK," said the doctor.
"That's your trouble..... Your halo is on too tight!"
check-up.
He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me
what's wrong with me."
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor.
"Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said the man.
"I'm a teetotaler........ Never touch a drop."
"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied the man.
"Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it."
"Well, uh," said the doctor, "do you have much sex life?"
"Oh, no!" said the man.
"Sex is sin.
I'm in bed by 10:30 every night, and I always have been."
The doctor paused, looked hard at the man, and asked,
"Well, do you have pains in your head?"
"Yes," said the man.
"I have terrible pains in my head."
"OK," said the doctor.
"That's your trouble..... Your halo is on too tight!"
••
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris
your entire arm would shatter upon impact.
This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right
mind would try this?
your entire arm would shatter upon impact.
This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right
mind would try this?
••
It was the first time she'd seen a live sponge on display,
and she really soaked it in.
and she really soaked it in.
••
daffynitions.....
Apple - Typically a device to seduce men, usually equipped
with a display screen
File - What your secretary does to her nails when the
computer is doing all of the work
Loop - a method of execution no longer in vogue,
except in Iran.
MegaHertz - a VERY large car rental company
Bankers' Hours: That part of the day when it is too hot to
play golf.
••
Apple - Typically a device to seduce men, usually equipped
with a display screen
File - What your secretary does to her nails when the
computer is doing all of the work
Loop - a method of execution no longer in vogue,
except in Iran.
MegaHertz - a VERY large car rental company
Bankers' Hours: That part of the day when it is too hot to
play golf.
••
•
