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As an instructor in driver education at the local area
High School, I’ve learned that even the brightest students
can become flustered behind the wheel.
One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled
to drive for 30 minutes.
When the first student had completed his time,
I asked him to change places with one of the others.
Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead,
he asked in a shaky voice, “Should I stop the car first?”
High School, I’ve learned that even the brightest students
can become flustered behind the wheel.
One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled
to drive for 30 minutes.
When the first student had completed his time,
I asked him to change places with one of the others.
Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead,
he asked in a shaky voice, “Should I stop the car first?”
••
The photographer from the newspaper had just taken a
picture of a man on his ninety-ninth birthday.
He thanked the old gentleman, saying, "I hope I'll be
around to take your picture again when you're a hundred!"
The old man replied, "Why not? You look pretty healthy."
The photographer from the newspaper had just taken a
picture of a man on his ninety-ninth birthday.
He thanked the old gentleman, saying, "I hope I'll be
around to take your picture again when you're a hundred!"
The old man replied, "Why not? You look pretty healthy."
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said,
"I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"
I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners
very well."
"I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"
I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners
very well."
••
A Redneck ordered a pizza for delivery, they asked what
he would like on it and he replied oh I don't know...
How about pepperoni.
They then asked if he would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces
and the man replied "you better make it 6 I'm not that
hungry."
A Redneck ordered a pizza for delivery, they asked what
he would like on it and he replied oh I don't know...
How about pepperoni.
They then asked if he would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces
and the man replied "you better make it 6 I'm not that
hungry."
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I went to my podiatrist to have a bunion removed.
When the treatment ended, I asked if another appointment
would be necessary.
He said, "No, but if you experience any discomfort,
you should callous back."
When the treatment ended, I asked if another appointment
would be necessary.
He said, "No, but if you experience any discomfort,
you should callous back."
••
I passed my neighbour the other day and couldn't help
notice that he was putting stuff on his lawn.
Curious, I asked;
"What's that your putting on your lawn Dave?"
He said "it's to keep the UFO and aliens away"
I said "we don't get UFO's and Aliens here...."
"Fantastic stuff isn't it" he said.
notice that he was putting stuff on his lawn.
Curious, I asked;
"What's that your putting on your lawn Dave?"
He said "it's to keep the UFO and aliens away"
I said "we don't get UFO's and Aliens here...."
"Fantastic stuff isn't it" he said.
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I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder
and harder for me to find one now.
and harder for me to find one now.
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My gold plated butt-plug business is being sued by Apple.
Apparently they have a patent for overpriced crap for
arseholes.
Apparently they have a patent for overpriced crap for
arseholes.
••
Gus's racing snail is not winning races anymore.
So he decided to take it's shell off to reduce its weight
and make him more aerodynamic.
It didn't work, if anything it made him more sluggish.
So he decided to take it's shell off to reduce its weight
and make him more aerodynamic.
It didn't work, if anything it made him more sluggish.
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