••••••
•••
♥
The guy leered at the babe at the yacht-club.
“Hey, baby, would you help me ‘raise my mast’?”
"No thanks,” she said sweetly.
“I heard about you from your ex and she included a
‘small craft’ advisory.”
“Hey, baby, would you help me ‘raise my mast’?”
"No thanks,” she said sweetly.
“I heard about you from your ex and she included a
‘small craft’ advisory.”
••
Breaking News!!
In a backfired attempt to one up Clint Eastwood VP
Joe Biden last night debated an empty chair.
The chair won hands down.
In a backfired attempt to one up Clint Eastwood VP
Joe Biden last night debated an empty chair.
The chair won hands down.
••
I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit
of eating shuttlecocks......... Bad Minton.
of eating shuttlecocks......... Bad Minton.
••
There are three kinds of men:
Ones that learn by reading,
A few who learn by observation,
and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence
and find out for themselves.....
Ones that learn by reading,
A few who learn by observation,
and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence
and find out for themselves.....
••
Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain.
This captain was very successful at what he did;
for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.
Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him.
He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.
However, there was one thing different about this captain.
Every morning he went through a strange ritual.
He would lock himself in his captain’s quarters and open
a small safe.
In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside.
He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it
back up.
Afterwards he went about his daily duties.
For years this went on and his crew became very curious.
Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love?
Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange
envelope.
One day the captain died at sea.
After laying the captain’s body to rest, the first mate led the
entire crew into the captain’s quarters.
He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and the
first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others.
Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:
Port Left, Starboard Right.
Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain.
This captain was very successful at what he did;
for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.
Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him.
He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.
However, there was one thing different about this captain.
Every morning he went through a strange ritual.
He would lock himself in his captain’s quarters and open
a small safe.
In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside.
He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it
back up.
Afterwards he went about his daily duties.
For years this went on and his crew became very curious.
Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love?
Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange
envelope.
One day the captain died at sea.
After laying the captain’s body to rest, the first mate led the
entire crew into the captain’s quarters.
He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and the
first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others.
Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:
Port Left, Starboard Right.
••
I told my wife I feel old, fat, bald, useless, and stupid.
She said, "Don't be silly you re not old."
She said, "Don't be silly you re not old."
••
An experienced old woodsman, when asked for his advice
about catching a porcupine, said this:
"Watch out for the slapping tail as you dash in and drop
a large washtub over him.
Now that tub will give you something to sit on while you're
pondering your next move."
about catching a porcupine, said this:
"Watch out for the slapping tail as you dash in and drop
a large washtub over him.
Now that tub will give you something to sit on while you're
pondering your next move."
••
I got in touch with my inner self today....
That's the last time I buy toilet paper from the Dollar store..
I got in touch with my inner self today....
That's the last time I buy toilet paper from the Dollar store..
••
