••
I'm starting to think that I drink too much.
The last time I gave a urine sample, there was an olive
in it.
The last time I gave a urine sample, there was an olive
in it.
••
A guy is walking down the street with his friend.
He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."
His friend replies, "How's that?"
"It's like this -- my hair line is in recession,
my stomach is a victim of inflation,
and the combination of these factors is putting me into
a deep depression."
He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."
His friend replies, "How's that?"
"It's like this -- my hair line is in recession,
my stomach is a victim of inflation,
and the combination of these factors is putting me into
a deep depression."
••
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you
can't resist.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you
can't resist.
••
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures."
"I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures."
••
The man who is the world's leading expert on wasps is
walking through R-ville one day when he passes an old
vinyl record shop.
Looking in the window, an album catches his eye:
"The Sounds of Wasps from Around the World".
He enters the store and asks the salesgirl if he can
listen to the album.
"Sure...just go into the booth and put on the headphones,"
replies the shop assistant.
He does this and listens to ten minutes of buzzing noises
until he can take no more.....he leaves the booth and says
to the salesgirl, "I'm an expert on wasps and I have to
say that I didn't recognize any of those noises".
"Oh, I'm so sorry," answers the assistant,
"I was playing you the B side.
walking through R-ville one day when he passes an old
vinyl record shop.
Looking in the window, an album catches his eye:
"The Sounds of Wasps from Around the World".
He enters the store and asks the salesgirl if he can
listen to the album.
"Sure...just go into the booth and put on the headphones,"
replies the shop assistant.
He does this and listens to ten minutes of buzzing noises
until he can take no more.....he leaves the booth and says
to the salesgirl, "I'm an expert on wasps and I have to
say that I didn't recognize any of those noises".
"Oh, I'm so sorry," answers the assistant,
"I was playing you the B side.
••
Birth control pills should be for men.
It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at
a bullet proof vest.
It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at
a bullet proof vest.
••
Mrs. Harrison took her three-year-old daughter, Jenny,
to church for the first time.
After arriving, the church lights were lowered, and then
the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
There was silence in the entire sanctuary until Jenny's
voice was suddenly heard, loudly singing:
"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you..."
to church for the first time.
After arriving, the church lights were lowered, and then
the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
There was silence in the entire sanctuary until Jenny's
voice was suddenly heard, loudly singing:
"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you..."
••
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can
spend it worrying about the future?
spend it worrying about the future?
••
