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Weather Report........
I just heard a weather report where it is expected that
there will be a lot of extremely hot air circulating in
Charlotte, NC in the next couple of days!
I just heard a weather report where it is expected that
there will be a lot of extremely hot air circulating in
Charlotte, NC in the next couple of days!
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My friend asked "What is the first thing you would do if
you could be invisible."
I said "I would go to Paris and find a street mime.
Then I would beat him to death.
The round of applause would be astounding.."
you could be invisible."
I said "I would go to Paris and find a street mime.
Then I would beat him to death.
The round of applause would be astounding.."
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I don't know how to put on a helmet -
the whole idea goes right over my head.
I don't know how to put on a helmet -
the whole idea goes right over my head.
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A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on
the front door.
He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there.
He asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is married.
He says, "Yes, I am."
The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's
wife.
The guy says, "Sure," and gets a photo to show them.
The deputy says..... "I'm sorry, sir.
But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy replies, "I know, but she really has a great
personality and is an excellent cook."
the front door.
He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there.
He asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is married.
He says, "Yes, I am."
The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's
wife.
The guy says, "Sure," and gets a photo to show them.
The deputy says..... "I'm sorry, sir.
But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy replies, "I know, but she really has a great
personality and is an excellent cook."
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Did you ever notice that musicians play and doctors
practice, but the rest of us work for a living?
practice, but the rest of us work for a living?
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Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
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Florida leads the nation in conceled carry permits and
swimsuit sales. setting the stage for many awkward
moments at the beach.
The other day a woman flashed a pair of 44's and then
stuffed them in her bikini top.
Then she put her gun in between them.
swimsuit sales. setting the stage for many awkward
moments at the beach.
The other day a woman flashed a pair of 44's and then
stuffed them in her bikini top.
Then she put her gun in between them.
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How come there is only 239 beans in the can....
Because one more would be 2 farty.
Because one more would be 2 farty.
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A girl sends a text to her boyfriend:
If you are sleeping send me your dreams.
If you are laughing send me your smile.
If you are eating send me a bite.
If you are drinking send me a sip.
If you are crying send me your tears.
I love you.
The boyfriend replies:
I am having a shit........ What do I do?
If you are sleeping send me your dreams.
If you are laughing send me your smile.
If you are eating send me a bite.
If you are drinking send me a sip.
If you are crying send me your tears.
I love you.
The boyfriend replies:
I am having a shit........ What do I do?
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I laid down in the afternoon for a short rest,
ended up sleeping 4 hours, and now I call that a "mega-nap".
ended up sleeping 4 hours, and now I call that a "mega-nap".
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A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into
the night.
Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil!
Let him know how little you think of his evil."
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce
the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading,
I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
the night.
Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil!
Let him know how little you think of his evil."
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce
the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading,
I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
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As a mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so
he would behave, she said,
"Why do I always have to pay you to be good?
Why can't you be good for nothing like your dad?"
he would behave, she said,
"Why do I always have to pay you to be good?
Why can't you be good for nothing like your dad?"
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