••
••••••
•••
♥
Ever notice... When you dial a wrong number,
you never get a busy signal.
you never get a busy signal.
••
The doctor has just finished giving the Gus a thorough
physical examination.
"The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said, "is give up
drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from
women."
"Doc, I don't deserve the best," said Gus.
"What's second best?"
physical examination.
"The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said, "is give up
drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from
women."
"Doc, I don't deserve the best," said Gus.
"What's second best?"
••
Teacher: How do you spell Mississippi?
Redneck boy: Which one?
The river or the state?
Redneck boy: Which one?
The river or the state?
••
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was
raining and put his head out the window to check.
As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.
He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a
young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.
On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the
man a drink.
As she was very attractive he agreed.
Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner.
There's plenty; would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely
meal.
As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said,
"I've had a marvellous evening.
Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with
every man you meet?"
"No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye."
The next morning as he was leaving, she asked,
"Would you like to join me for dinner another time?"
The man answered immediately, "Yes, I'd love to.
How about tomorrow?"
She was delighted and replied, "OK.
I'll keep my eye out for you."
raining and put his head out the window to check.
As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.
He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a
young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.
On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the
man a drink.
As she was very attractive he agreed.
Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner.
There's plenty; would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely
meal.
As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said,
"I've had a marvellous evening.
Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with
every man you meet?"
"No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye."
The next morning as he was leaving, she asked,
"Would you like to join me for dinner another time?"
The man answered immediately, "Yes, I'd love to.
How about tomorrow?"
She was delighted and replied, "OK.
I'll keep my eye out for you."
••
My dental hygienist is cute.
Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies
while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's
appointments.
Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies
while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's
appointments.
••
Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: "BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"
A: "BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"
••
"Dad, where did I come from?" asks this 10-years-old.
The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking
a question like that.
He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would
have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better
a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next
two hours he explained every thing to his son.
When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted
his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the
new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio,
so I was just wondering where I came from."
The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking
a question like that.
He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would
have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better
a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next
two hours he explained every thing to his son.
When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted
his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the
new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio,
so I was just wondering where I came from."
••
You know your too old to be watching porn when you think,
that's a nice sofa!
that's a nice sofa!
••
One fall afternoon as I was gazing sadly out over the
mountains of dead foliage behind our house,
I turned to my wife and said, "Seems like every leaf in
Virginia must have found its way to our yard."
"Why not?" she replied..... "They know they're safe here.
mountains of dead foliage behind our house,
I turned to my wife and said, "Seems like every leaf in
Virginia must have found its way to our yard."
"Why not?" she replied..... "They know they're safe here.
••
I have a serious problem with alcohol.
There's none left.....
There's none left.....
••
