Well, Labor Day is Here....
And the Hummingbirds are heading
South.....
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♥
Out on the golf course you can always tell when Biden
is playing against Obama.
He's the only fellow on the course who gets a hole in one
and says, "Oops!"
is playing against Obama.
He's the only fellow on the course who gets a hole in one
and says, "Oops!"
••
When politicians get the flu, you never know which way
they're going to vote.
Sometimes the eyes have it, and sometimes the nose.
they're going to vote.
Sometimes the eyes have it, and sometimes the nose.
••
The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped
at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night.
'Well, we're a mite crowded, siknce there's already
someone in the spare room,' replied the farmer.
'But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the
bed with a red haired schoolteacher.'
'Look,' said the tourist, 'I want you to know I'm a
gentleman.'
'Well,' mused the farmer, 'as far as I can tell, so is the red
haired schoolteacher.'
at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night.
'Well, we're a mite crowded, siknce there's already
someone in the spare room,' replied the farmer.
'But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the
bed with a red haired schoolteacher.'
'Look,' said the tourist, 'I want you to know I'm a
gentleman.'
'Well,' mused the farmer, 'as far as I can tell, so is the red
haired schoolteacher.'
••
They got all these new drunk driving tests, these
sophisticated tests, breathalyzers.
I got pulled over in deep rural, backwoods Virginia.
They dont have sophisticated tests for drunk driving there.
They just pulled out a wallet-sized photo of Rosie ODonnell.
They're like, Is she attractive?
sophisticated tests, breathalyzers.
I got pulled over in deep rural, backwoods Virginia.
They dont have sophisticated tests for drunk driving there.
They just pulled out a wallet-sized photo of Rosie ODonnell.
They're like, Is she attractive?
••
Gus, an elderly gentleman was reading his recovery-room
record at the hospital where he was admitted.
When the doctor arrived for the routine check-up,
Gus seemed to be quite concerned at one notation.
"I know I was in a bit of a mess, but I didn't realize I was
that bad," he said to the doctor apologetically.
"I hope I didn't offend anyone."
He was immensely comforted when the doctor explained
the acronym in question meant "Short Of Breath" and
not what he thought (S.O.B.)
record at the hospital where he was admitted.
When the doctor arrived for the routine check-up,
Gus seemed to be quite concerned at one notation.
"I know I was in a bit of a mess, but I didn't realize I was
that bad," he said to the doctor apologetically.
"I hope I didn't offend anyone."
He was immensely comforted when the doctor explained
the acronym in question meant "Short Of Breath" and
not what he thought (S.O.B.)
••
Everybody knows the saying: You should never go to the
grocery store when youre hungry.
But theres another saying that I dont think they tell you
enough which is this: You should never go to the pet store
when you're lonely.
grocery store when youre hungry.
But theres another saying that I dont think they tell you
enough which is this: You should never go to the pet store
when you're lonely.
••
A Dollar for Sunday School...
A little boy came home eating a big candy bar.
Seeing the candy bar, his mother remembered he had
already spent all his allowance money.
Surprised, she asked him where he got it.
"I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me,"
he said.
"But that dollar was for Sunday School," his mother replied.
Smiling, the boy said, "I know, Mom, but the Pastor met
me at the door and got me in for free!"
A little boy came home eating a big candy bar.
Seeing the candy bar, his mother remembered he had
already spent all his allowance money.
Surprised, she asked him where he got it.
"I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me,"
he said.
"But that dollar was for Sunday School," his mother replied.
Smiling, the boy said, "I know, Mom, but the Pastor met
me at the door and got me in for free!"
••
The authorities in America conducted a survey to ascertain
why they did not receive many emergency calls from
blondes.
After exhasted studies the answer is
"They can find the nine but cannot find the eleven....
why they did not receive many emergency calls from
blondes.
After exhasted studies the answer is
"They can find the nine but cannot find the eleven....
••
I bought a plunger the other day.
You ever bought a plunger?
Its an embarrassing purchase.
At first, you think its no big deal.
Stand in the line, swinging it.
And then you realize everybody knows; you got a
situation at home.
Nobody buys a plunger on a whim.
You ever bought a plunger?
Its an embarrassing purchase.
At first, you think its no big deal.
Stand in the line, swinging it.
And then you realize everybody knows; you got a
situation at home.
Nobody buys a plunger on a whim.
••
