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Useless Knowledge...
A blue whale can grow as long as 3 Greyhound buses and
heavier than 35 elephants.
Its tongue alone is the size of a small car and weighs as
much as an elephant.
While immense, a blue whale’s heart beats only nine times
per minute.
Yet blue whales can also produce extreme sounds of more
than 185 decibels, nearly twice as loud as a jumbo jet at
takeoff.
A blue whale can grow as long as 3 Greyhound buses and
heavier than 35 elephants.
Its tongue alone is the size of a small car and weighs as
much as an elephant.
While immense, a blue whale’s heart beats only nine times
per minute.
Yet blue whales can also produce extreme sounds of more
than 185 decibels, nearly twice as loud as a jumbo jet at
takeoff.
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No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the
brain is entirely fat.
Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do
is run for public office.
brain is entirely fat.
Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do
is run for public office.
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Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a
bet.
The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside
of his pants.
bet.
The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside
of his pants.
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If anyone's wondering how the future of humanity is going,
my 3 year old son can unlock my iPhone but still can't
figure out what a spoon is for.
my 3 year old son can unlock my iPhone but still can't
figure out what a spoon is for.
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"How come you're late?" asked....the bartender, as the
blonde waitress walked into the bar.
"It was awful," she explained.
"I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible
accident.
A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the
middle of the street.
His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was
blood everywhere.
Thank God I took that first-aid course.
"What did you do?" asked the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep
from fainting!"
blonde waitress walked into the bar.
"It was awful," she explained.
"I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible
accident.
A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the
middle of the street.
His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was
blood everywhere.
Thank God I took that first-aid course.
"What did you do?" asked the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep
from fainting!"
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"Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly,
and applying the wrong remedies."
finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly,
and applying the wrong remedies."
—Groucho Marx
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This girl said to me, "I have eyes just like my mom."
"And you have breasts just like your dad......" I chuckled.
She replied, "My dad doesn't have boobs!"
I said, "Precisely."
"And you have breasts just like your dad......" I chuckled.
She replied, "My dad doesn't have boobs!"
I said, "Precisely."
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You know your grandparents are doing it when...
A pair of edible Depends is found on bedroom floor.
Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass.
Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of
"denture-burn".
Granny is found cuffed to her walker.
Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints.
You've just seen the photos in the "Beaver Hunt" section
of the May issue of Hustler.
Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.
Their Craftmatic adjustable bed is set for "doggy style"
A pair of edible Depends is found on bedroom floor.
Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass.
Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of
"denture-burn".
Granny is found cuffed to her walker.
Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints.
You've just seen the photos in the "Beaver Hunt" section
of the May issue of Hustler.
Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.
Their Craftmatic adjustable bed is set for "doggy style"
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Noah's diary: Day 39.
Unicorn pie is delicious!
Unicorn pie is delicious!
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Miguel Rodriquez long suffered from insomnia.
It was a rare night that he slept more than an hour.
He had consulted numerous physicians in Mexico and the
United States but none had been able to help him.
Even the strongest sedatives could not give him a restful
night of sleep.
One day, Miguel met and fell in love with a beautiful
senorita named Esta Gonzales.
Now when he wants to sleep he just looks at her picture.
Miguel has known from his childhood that....
WHEN YOU SEE ESTA, YOU SLEEP.
It was a rare night that he slept more than an hour.
He had consulted numerous physicians in Mexico and the
United States but none had been able to help him.
Even the strongest sedatives could not give him a restful
night of sleep.
One day, Miguel met and fell in love with a beautiful
senorita named Esta Gonzales.
Now when he wants to sleep he just looks at her picture.
Miguel has known from his childhood that....
WHEN YOU SEE ESTA, YOU SLEEP.
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