••••••
•••
♥
I hate control freaks.
They never listen to me.
They never listen to me.
A man stumbles up the driveway to his house at 6 in the
morning, barely able to stand on his feet.
He manages to reach the door but finds it locked and then
proceeds to knock.
knock, knock, knock....
After a while his wife comes and opens the door, in a less
than a pleased mood.
"What possible reason could you have for coming home at
this hour!?"
Slurring and struggling to form words, but managing it in
the end the man replies...... "Breakfast!"
morning, barely able to stand on his feet.
He manages to reach the door but finds it locked and then
proceeds to knock.
knock, knock, knock....
After a while his wife comes and opens the door, in a less
than a pleased mood.
"What possible reason could you have for coming home at
this hour!?"
Slurring and struggling to form words, but managing it in
the end the man replies...... "Breakfast!"
What's the best way to milk sheep?
Ask Apple......
Ask Apple......
••
The farm had been mortgaged to give his daughter a
college education.
Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at
the train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his
daughter whispered, "I have a confession to make,
Paw - I ain't a virgin no more."
The old man shook his head sadly.
"After all the sacrifices your Maw and I made to give you
a good education, you still say 'ain't!"
college education.
Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at
the train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his
daughter whispered, "I have a confession to make,
Paw - I ain't a virgin no more."
The old man shook his head sadly.
"After all the sacrifices your Maw and I made to give you
a good education, you still say 'ain't!"
••
Father: Jack, why do you drink so much water?
Jack: I have just had an apple, Dad.
Father: What's that got to do with it?
Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.
Father: Jack, why do you drink so much water?
Jack: I have just had an apple, Dad.
Father: What's that got to do with it?
Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.
••
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing
one another for some time.
After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how
the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week.
He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner,
had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in
the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend,
"What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
one another for some time.
After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how
the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week.
He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner,
had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in
the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend,
"What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
••
Ruff: "Dad, how do you feel about abortions?"
Dad: "Well, why don't you ask your sister?"
Ruff: "But I don't have a..."
Dad: "Well, why don't you ask your sister?"
Ruff: "But I don't have a..."
••
Sam had a date with an attractive young woman.
The next day someone asked him how things had gone.
"She uses too many four-letter words for me," was the reply.
"Really?"
"Yes," answered the Sam.
"All evening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and
"quit that."
The next day someone asked him how things had gone.
"She uses too many four-letter words for me," was the reply.
"Really?"
"Yes," answered the Sam.
"All evening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and
"quit that."
••
