Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning...
••

 

••••••

•••

♥

My brother delivered prescriptions to people too ill to go
out.
Since the neighborhoods he visited were often unsafe,
he decided to get some protection.
 "Why do you need a pistol?" asked the clerk at the gun shop.
My brother had to explain, "I deliver drugs at night and
carry a lot of money."

 

••

Feet: A device used to find legos in the dark...

 

••

A job applicant was asked, "What would you consider to
be your main strengths and weaknesses?"
"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be
my issues with reality—telling what’s real from what’s not."
"Okay," said the interviewer.
"And what are your strengths?"
"I’m Batman."

 

••

Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the
next step - blaming my parents.

 

••

To show his appreciation, a newly hired Japanese office
worker bought his boss chocolates.
But when he found the box unopened, the insulted worker
went ballistic, destroying 22 computers.
"I wish the company president had cared a little more,"
the employee’s lawyer said.

 

••

Chuck Norris was bitten by a snake.
After 5 days of excruciating pain... the snake died.

 

••

Rachel Ray's show is called Week In A Day where she
cooks a week of dinners in a day.
Isn't that what a 12 pack of Hot Pockets is for?

 

••

Rodney Dangerfield;
"With my wife there's always something.
The last time I got a haircut.
She told me it was terrible.
She said it looks like you got a haircut.
She says when you get a haircut it's not supposed to look
like you got a haircut.
She said, "Harry got a haircut.
No one even knew that Harry got a haircut."
I said, "Then how do you know Harry got a haircut?"
So now I got a new problem...
Next week I'm due to get a haircut.
And I don't want it to look like a got a haircut.
So what I'm doing now is I'm trying to find a barber who
don't look like he's a barber. "

 

••

What is the difference between a musician and a dead
witch?
One composes and the other decomposes!

 

••