A new dawn...
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One day I had to go to Sears.
As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space.
I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking
space that was open and available.
The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and
said, ‘’I’m not handicapped!’’
Well, as you can imagine, my face was red!
"Oh, I’m sorry” I said, “I saw your Obama sticker and just
Assumed...’’
She gave me the finger and yelled some nasty names at me.
Boy! Some people - and when you’re just trying to help
Them out!
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A sure sign of old age is when you hear “snap, crackle,
and pop” in the morning and it isn’t your cereal.
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Now that Lance Armstrong's been accused of taking drugs,
I'm seriously starting to doubt his story that he walked on the moon.
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I've found why it's so hard to lose weight....
I have metal fillings in my teeth. My refrigerator magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen,
that's why I can't lose weight.
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I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to
the left all the time. It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor, and
have his legs checked out.
For years, he refused... told me I was crazy.
But last week, he finally went, and sure enough, the doctor
discovered his left leg was 1/4 of an inch shorter than his
right.
A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, he was cured, and
both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer
leans.
"So," I said, "You didn't believe me when I told you a
doctor could fix your leg."
He just looked at me and said, "I stand corrected."
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My exercise therapist told me the handle on my recliner
does not qulify as an exercise machine....
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The dishwater blond waitress was working a crowded truck
stop restaurant as one driver heckled her. He continued harassing her until she turned, pointing a
finger at him and said, "Listen fella, I bleach my hair so
people like you won't expect so much out of me,
so shut up and eat your damn breakfast!"
Not all blonds are dumb.
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Cobra snakes are not always poisonous!
It's only when they bite you!
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A sudden change of heart.......
My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement.
Simply devastated.
Won't you please consider coming back to me?
You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill.
I can never marry another woman quite like you.
I need you so much.
Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning?
I love you so.
Yours always and truly........ John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
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