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♥
(future government employee)
A know-it-all agriculture student said to a farmer:
"Your methods are too old fashioned.
I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than
twenty pounds of apples."
"I won't be surprised either," said the farmer,
"Actually...I would be surprised if it even gave me ten
pounds of apples.
This is an pear tree."
A know-it-all agriculture student said to a farmer:
"Your methods are too old fashioned.
I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than
twenty pounds of apples."
"I won't be surprised either," said the farmer,
"Actually...I would be surprised if it even gave me ten
pounds of apples.
This is an pear tree."
••
I was sat at the bar waiting to meet a woman that
I'd been
chatting to over the Internet earlier,
when I got a tap on the shoulder.
"Are you Dave?" the woman asked with a smile.
"You're gorgeous!" I burst out in delight.
"Yes, I am Dave."
"That's brilliant," she replied.
"Theres some fat lass over there looking for you."
chatting to over the Internet earlier,
when I got a tap on the shoulder.
"Are you Dave?" the woman asked with a smile.
"You're gorgeous!" I burst out in delight.
"Yes, I am Dave."
"That's brilliant," she replied.
"Theres some fat lass over there looking for you."
••
A man came back to the dealer from whom he bought a
new car.
"I believe you gave me a guarantee with my car," he said.
"That’s right, sir," the salesman answered.
"During the warranty period we will replace anything that
breaks."
"Fine, I need a new garage door."
new car.
"I believe you gave me a guarantee with my car," he said.
"That’s right, sir," the salesman answered.
"During the warranty period we will replace anything that
breaks."
"Fine, I need a new garage door."
••
"Exhaustipated".....
Here is a new word to add to your vocabulary.
It will be especially useful to us senior folks!
Exhaustipated: Just too tired to give a shit....
Here is a new word to add to your vocabulary.
It will be especially useful to us senior folks!
Exhaustipated: Just too tired to give a shit....
••
I knocked at my neighbour's door today.
I said, "Quick, your dog's just been ran over out front."
"But, I don't have a dog?" he frowned.
"Ok then, your ugly girlfriend," I replied.
I said, "Quick, your dog's just been ran over out front."
"But, I don't have a dog?" he frowned.
"Ok then, your ugly girlfriend," I replied.
•
"Did you hear that actress Reese Whatsername got stabbed?"
"Who, Witherspoon?"
"No, with a knife."
"Who, Witherspoon?"
"No, with a knife."
••
"you're fat"
"it runs in the family"
"dude, no one runs in your family"
"it runs in the family"
"dude, no one runs in your family"
••
According to a recent government publication...
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury.
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury.
••
The old man had died.
A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country
preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased,
what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband
and kind father he was.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of
her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin
and see if that's your pa."
A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country
preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased,
what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband
and kind father he was.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of
her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin
and see if that's your pa."
••
