Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

Did you hear about the guy who thought that Alcoholics
Anonymous meant drinking under an assumed name?

 

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Knowing that my daughter's Grade 2 class was to receive
a talk from the local police department on drug awareness,
I collected a sampling of household medications, which
come in a range of colors shapes and sizes, and talked to
her about the danger of accepting "candy" from kids.
However, when the police officer asked if anyone knew
what drugs looked like, my daughter raised her hand..
"I know about drugs," my daughter said. 
"My mommy showed me hers.
She has them all over the house."

 

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If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
-Woody Allen

 

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A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar
and orders a strong drink.
"Long day?" the bartender asks.
"No, all days are 24 hours long" the man replies,
amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.

 

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In my early driving days, I had the bad habit of running
out of gas frequently. 
Once, I was stranded at the mall and called my father for
help. 
When he arrived, I was under the hood, poking around. 
"I think there's something preventing the gas from reaching
the carburetor," I said. 
"Yeah," he shot back........  "A five dollar bill."

 

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Bill has the typical observant wife.
One evening after dinner, she handed him a bottle of
Rogaine hair-restorer.
Bill told her while he was indeed starting to thin out some,
he didn't really think he needed hair-restorer yet.
She said, "Oh..... It's not for you, it's for your secretary,
she seems to be losing quite a bit of her hair on your
boxer shorts."

 

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Given the price of gas these days, everyone should own a
five-passenger car, so one person can drive while the other
four push!

 

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Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the
speed of light.
This means that if you turn on a light switch,
you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.

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