Good Morning....Friends..
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A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only.
The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large
picnic basket.
She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the
overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man's
head.
Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her.
She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance.
Soon the picnic basket began to leak.
The man felt something drop on top of his head.
As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across
his lips.
He tasted it, looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?"
She replied, "No, no, puppies."
The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large
picnic basket.
She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the
overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man's
head.
Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her.
She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance.
Soon the picnic basket began to leak.
The man felt something drop on top of his head.
As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across
his lips.
He tasted it, looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?"
She replied, "No, no, puppies."
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This guy and his flat chested wife go to see a marriage
counsellor,the counsellor asks,"what seems to be the
problem?"
"Well",the guy says,"Dolly Parton here thinks im too
sarcastic!"
counsellor,the counsellor asks,"what seems to be the
problem?"
"Well",the guy says,"Dolly Parton here thinks im too
sarcastic!"
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A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again?"
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again?"
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An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns,
drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit
when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his
license plate.
The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again
even more slowly.
Another flash.
He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed.
Same result.
"This guy must have screwed up the settings,"
the off-duty officer thought.
A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the
mail, he discovered three traffic tickets-each for not
wearing a seat belt.
drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit
when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his
license plate.
The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again
even more slowly.
Another flash.
He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed.
Same result.
"This guy must have screwed up the settings,"
the off-duty officer thought.
A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the
mail, he discovered three traffic tickets-each for not
wearing a seat belt.
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Man bought a lawnmower and took it home,
immediately seizing it.
Took it back to the dealer.
The dealer can see it didn't have oil in it.
So, he scratches his chin and says "uhmm hmm uhmm.
I see what's wrong right here.
You burned it up with oil."
The man indignantly replies "That's a lie!
I never put a drop in it!"
immediately seizing it.
Took it back to the dealer.
The dealer can see it didn't have oil in it.
So, he scratches his chin and says "uhmm hmm uhmm.
I see what's wrong right here.
You burned it up with oil."
The man indignantly replies "That's a lie!
I never put a drop in it!"
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Bad day....
It could be worse if you were part of a company looking for
a bailout from the Obama administration and you weren’t
“too big to fail”.
It could be worse if you were part of a company looking for
a bailout from the Obama administration and you weren’t
“too big to fail”.
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The huge college freshman decided to try out for the
football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run
smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach..... "I'm impressed.
Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman.
He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds,
he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach.
"But can you pass a football?"
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds.
"Well, sir," he said, "If I can swallow it, I can probably
pass it."
The huge college freshman decided to try out for the
football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run
smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach..... "I'm impressed.
Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman.
He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds,
he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach.
"But can you pass a football?"
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds.
"Well, sir," he said, "If I can swallow it, I can probably
pass it."
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A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip
to China.
He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!
to China.
He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!
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