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A senior pastor said to his young assistant, I want you to
preach this morning.
But I haven't prepared, what will I preach, the young man
protested.
The senior pastor patted the young man on the shoulder
and said, the Lord will help you.
The young man frantically grabbed the nearest Bible,
and to his surprise, the sermon notes to a completed
sermon fell out.
So he stood confidently and delivered the polished
message to great reception.
After the service the senior pastor said to the young man,
that was MY sermon for tonight.
Now what am I going to do.
The young man smiled and said, the Lord will help you.
preach this morning.
But I haven't prepared, what will I preach, the young man
protested.
The senior pastor patted the young man on the shoulder
and said, the Lord will help you.
The young man frantically grabbed the nearest Bible,
and to his surprise, the sermon notes to a completed
sermon fell out.
So he stood confidently and delivered the polished
message to great reception.
After the service the senior pastor said to the young man,
that was MY sermon for tonight.
Now what am I going to do.
The young man smiled and said, the Lord will help you.
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I would lose weight......
but I hate losing...
but I hate losing...
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Ray said; Been in the new place for a week.
And haven't bought plungers yet... in case you were
wondering what kind of a risk-taker I am.
And haven't bought plungers yet... in case you were
wondering what kind of a risk-taker I am.
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You would not beleve what I saw in WalMart this
morning....... 300lbs. in spandex.
I got out of there before a seam gave way that would be an
ugly sight.
morning....... 300lbs. in spandex.
I got out of there before a seam gave way that would be an
ugly sight.
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If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go
through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump
through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that!
through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump
through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that!
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Useless knowledge:
Penguins have an organ above their eyes that converts
seawater to freshwater.
Penguins have an organ above their eyes that converts
seawater to freshwater.
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Tourists in the Museum of Natural History were marveling
at the dinosaur bones.
One of them asks the blonde guard, 'Can you tell me how
old the dinosaur bones are?'
The guard replies, 'They are 3 million, four years, and
six months old.'
'That's an awfully exact number,' says the tourist.
'How do you know their age so precisely?'
The guard answers, 'Well, the dinosaur bones were three
million years old when I started working here, and that
was four and a half years ago!'
at the dinosaur bones.
One of them asks the blonde guard, 'Can you tell me how
old the dinosaur bones are?'
The guard replies, 'They are 3 million, four years, and
six months old.'
'That's an awfully exact number,' says the tourist.
'How do you know their age so precisely?'
The guard answers, 'Well, the dinosaur bones were three
million years old when I started working here, and that
was four and a half years ago!'
••
One day a housework-challenged husband decided to
wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted back to his wife, "What setting do I set the
washing machine on?" ...
"It depends," She replied.
"What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Atlanta Braves."...
wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted back to his wife, "What setting do I set the
washing machine on?" ...
"It depends," She replied.
"What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Atlanta Braves."...
••
During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine
why he was falling back during a really fierce battle.
"Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?"
The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir."
why he was falling back during a really fierce battle.
"Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?"
The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir."
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