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♥
Debbie was cleaning her attic one day, when she discovered
an old shotgun lying in a corner.
Not sure what to do with it or how to get rid of it, she
called her mother in Michigan to ask what to do.
Her mother had a suggestion.
"Take it to the police station," she said and put the phone
down.
Within seconds, her mother called back and said to
Debbie, "Don't forget to call them first and inform them
you're coming."
an old shotgun lying in a corner.
Not sure what to do with it or how to get rid of it, she
called her mother in Michigan to ask what to do.
Her mother had a suggestion.
"Take it to the police station," she said and put the phone
down.
Within seconds, her mother called back and said to
Debbie, "Don't forget to call them first and inform them
you're coming."
••
A man calls his doctor and tells him that his wife has Laryngitis.
The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.
The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."
The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.
The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."
••
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the
doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that
a bacon sandwich works best!
doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that
a bacon sandwich works best!
••
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
••
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to
look for it.
For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that
wrinkles don't hurt.
look for it.
For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that
wrinkles don't hurt.
••
Bob and Ed were best friends and had been for fifty
plus years.
After Ed died, Bob was unconsolable for many weeks.
He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he just wanted to sit
in misery.
Finally one night, Bob was able to fall into a fitful sleep
and Ed came to him in a dream.
"Ed! I've really missed you.
Tell me, what's it like on the other side?"
"Well...it's GREAT! I can run like the wind if I want to
because my knees don't hurt any more.
If I get hungry, there's always food around.
If I want to sleep, there's always a comfortable place
to lay down under my feet.
If I get horny, there are willing females all over the place."
Bob replies "Heaven sounds like a great place!"
"Heaven? Heck no...... I'm a moose in Montana!"
plus years.
After Ed died, Bob was unconsolable for many weeks.
He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he just wanted to sit
in misery.
Finally one night, Bob was able to fall into a fitful sleep
and Ed came to him in a dream.
"Ed! I've really missed you.
Tell me, what's it like on the other side?"
"Well...it's GREAT! I can run like the wind if I want to
because my knees don't hurt any more.
If I get hungry, there's always food around.
If I want to sleep, there's always a comfortable place
to lay down under my feet.
If I get horny, there are willing females all over the place."
Bob replies "Heaven sounds like a great place!"
"Heaven? Heck no...... I'm a moose in Montana!"
••
Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at fortune
tellers take economists seriously?
tellers take economists seriously?
••
Abbott and Costello explain the US Government’s
Accounting System
COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate
in America.
ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times.
It’s 9%.
COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?
ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.
COSTELLO: You just said 9%.
ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.
COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.
ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.
COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 16% unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, that’s 9%…
COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE.
Is it 9% or 16%?
ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed.
16% are out of work.
COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the
unemployed.
You have to look for work to be unemployed.
COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!
ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.
COSTELLO: What point?
ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work,
can’t be counted with those who look for work.
It wouldn’t be fair.
COSTELLO: To whom?
ABBOTT: The unemployed.
COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.
ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work.
Accounting System
COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate
in America.
ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times.
It’s 9%.
COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?
ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.
COSTELLO: You just said 9%.
ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.
COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.
ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.
COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 16% unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, that’s 9%…
COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE.
Is it 9% or 16%?
ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed.
16% are out of work.
COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the
unemployed.
You have to look for work to be unemployed.
COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!
ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.
COSTELLO: What point?
ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work,
can’t be counted with those who look for work.
It wouldn’t be fair.
COSTELLO: To whom?
ABBOTT: The unemployed.
COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.
ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work.
Those who are out of work stopped looking.
They gave up.
And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks
of the unemployed.
COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles,
that would count as less unemployment?
ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down.
Absolutely!
COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because
you don’t look for work?
ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down.
That’s how you get to 9%.
Otherwise it would be 16%.
You don’t want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya?
COSTELLO: That would be frightening..
ABBOTT: Absolutely.
COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you.
That means there are two ways to bring down the
unemployment number?
ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.
COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone
gets a job?
ABBOTT: Correct.
COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if
you stop looking for a job?
ABBOTT: Bingo.
COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment
down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for
work.
ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like an economist.
COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said!
ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like a politician.
COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles,
that would count as less unemployment?
ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down.
Absolutely!
COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because
you don’t look for work?
ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down.
That’s how you get to 9%.
Otherwise it would be 16%.
You don’t want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya?
COSTELLO: That would be frightening..
ABBOTT: Absolutely.
COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you.
That means there are two ways to bring down the
unemployment number?
ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.
COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone
gets a job?
ABBOTT: Correct.
COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if
you stop looking for a job?
ABBOTT: Bingo.
COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment
down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for
work.
ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like an economist.
COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said!
ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like a politician.
••
