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♥
Sue said; As the lone female in our household, I find
that certain male habits have really begun to get on my
nerves.
One day, I emerged from my teenage sons's bathroom
completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband.
"What is it with guys that they won't replace the toilet
paper!" I raged.
"I know," he said, nodding in agreement.
I noticed that when I was just in there."
that certain male habits have really begun to get on my
nerves.
One day, I emerged from my teenage sons's bathroom
completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband.
"What is it with guys that they won't replace the toilet
paper!" I raged.
"I know," he said, nodding in agreement.
I noticed that when I was just in there."
••
The other day I stopped at the bank and when the teller
asked if she could help me, I said that I needed her to
check on my balance.
So she leaned through her window and gave me a little
shove.
asked if she could help me, I said that I needed her to
check on my balance.
So she leaned through her window and gave me a little
shove.
••
Mellowing mother...
I have five siblings . . . three sisters and two brothers.
One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had
changed as a mother from her first child to her last.
She told me she really had mellowed quite a lot over the
years . . .
"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the
ambulance.
When your youngest brother swallowed a dime,
I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
I have five siblings . . . three sisters and two brothers.
One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had
changed as a mother from her first child to her last.
She told me she really had mellowed quite a lot over the
years . . .
"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the
ambulance.
When your youngest brother swallowed a dime,
I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
••
I moved into an all-electric house.
I forgot and left the porch light on all day.
When I got home the front door wouldn't open.
I forgot and left the porch light on all day.
When I got home the front door wouldn't open.
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Sue said; I was at a party, and this guy was hitting on me,
and hes hitting on me with the most boring questions.
One of them was, If you could go anywhere in the world,
where would you go?
And I was like, Anywhere?
He was like, Anywhere.
I was like, Uh -- to the other side of the room.
Now, please, get out of the way of a woman and her dream.
and hes hitting on me with the most boring questions.
One of them was, If you could go anywhere in the world,
where would you go?
And I was like, Anywhere?
He was like, Anywhere.
I was like, Uh -- to the other side of the room.
Now, please, get out of the way of a woman and her dream.
••
I used to love my Jack-in-the-box when I was child,
but as I grew older I liked it much more in the bottle.
but as I grew older I liked it much more in the bottle.
••
A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around
frowning.
Finally the pro askes her what she wants.
"I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer
complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the
catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and
determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro
asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want
green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to
find in the sand traps!"
frowning.
Finally the pro askes her what she wants.
"I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer
complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the
catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and
determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro
asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want
green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to
find in the sand traps!"
••
Guy: Is you dad still in jail?
Girl: For what?
Guy: For stealing all the stars in the sky and putting them
in your eyes!
Girl: For what?
Guy: For stealing all the stars in the sky and putting them
in your eyes!
••
You can't deny the faith of these people that we fight:
its absolute.
They believe that if they kill themselves, theyll be met in
heaven with 70-some-odd virgins.
Imagine that kind of faith -- to think that that would
happen, when I havent met one on earth.
its absolute.
They believe that if they kill themselves, theyll be met in
heaven with 70-some-odd virgins.
Imagine that kind of faith -- to think that that would
happen, when I havent met one on earth.
••
Chick-fil-A’s owner's told me they set a new world record
in sales yesterday....
Somewhere, a Burger King ad man’s toying with the idea
of having “The King” declare himself “100% pro-life.”
in sales yesterday....
Somewhere, a Burger King ad man’s toying with the idea
of having “The King” declare himself “100% pro-life.”
••
