What can I say??
Monday.........
••
••••••
•••
♥
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be
nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a
smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00
bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something
really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a
smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00
bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something
really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
••
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the
IRS auditor who had come to review his records.
At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is
a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA.
As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we
expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."
"Thank God," returned Mr. Carr, "I thought you were
going to want cash!"
IRS auditor who had come to review his records.
At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is
a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA.
As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we
expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."
"Thank God," returned Mr. Carr, "I thought you were
going to want cash!"
••
Husband: There's something preying on my mind.
Wife: Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation.
Wife: Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation.
••
Funny Bumper Sticker Quotes:
Caution: I drive like you do!
Strangers have the best candy..
Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate..
No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and
it's gone..
I didn't ask to be a princess but if the crown fits...
I brake for scholars, priests, and no apparent reason..
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go..
" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
Caution: I drive like you do!
Strangers have the best candy..
Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate..
No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and
it's gone..
I didn't ask to be a princess but if the crown fits...
I brake for scholars, priests, and no apparent reason..
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go..
" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
••
I entered an auction at an out-of-town convention and
won a large Lazy boy chair.
Getting it back to my seventh-floor hotel room proved
a challenge.
I got it in the elevator, but there wasn't enough room
for everyone, so I invited another woman to take a seat.
We stopped on the third floor, and a drunk started to
enter.
He looked at the woman on the chair for a second
before suggesting, "If I were you,
I'd ask for a bigger room."
I entered an auction at an out-of-town convention and
won a large Lazy boy chair.
Getting it back to my seventh-floor hotel room proved
a challenge.
I got it in the elevator, but there wasn't enough room
for everyone, so I invited another woman to take a seat.
We stopped on the third floor, and a drunk started to
enter.
He looked at the woman on the chair for a second
before suggesting, "If I were you,
I'd ask for a bigger room."
••
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands....
••
I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make
a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said,
"Those are pickled onions''.
a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said,
"Those are pickled onions''.
••
A taxpayer voting for Obama is like a chicken voting
for Colonel Sanders....
for Colonel Sanders....
••
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,
I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
••
Doctor walks into a bar and the bartender says “I’m sorry
but I can’t serve you”.
“Why?” replies the doctor.
“We’ve already got one of you in here and I won’t have a
'pair a docs' in my bar”
Doctor walks into a bar and the bartender says “I’m sorry
but I can’t serve you”.
“Why?” replies the doctor.
“We’ve already got one of you in here and I won’t have a
'pair a docs' in my bar”
••
It's all fun and games until someone calls the cops.
Then it's a brand new game.
Hide and seek.
It's all fun and games until someone calls the cops.
Then it's a brand new game.
Hide and seek.
