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I walked around the block 20 times todays...
Then my wife picked it up and put it back in the toy box.
Then my wife picked it up and put it back in the toy box.
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Ron's terribly overweight and his doctor put him on a
diet plan.
His wife Carla has to keep an eye on him so he doesn't
indulge himself.
On his birthday, he helps himself to a large piece of
chocolate cake, and his wife reprimands him...
Ron protests, "Don't you see, I can resist everything
except temptation."
diet plan.
His wife Carla has to keep an eye on him so he doesn't
indulge himself.
On his birthday, he helps himself to a large piece of
chocolate cake, and his wife reprimands him...
Ron protests, "Don't you see, I can resist everything
except temptation."
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I hate that pantless walk to get more toilet paper.....
I'm not allowed in that Walgreens anymore either.
I'm not allowed in that Walgreens anymore either.
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My favorite place to taser people: the Renaissance Fair.
The Renaissance Fair cause it makes me feel like an evil
wizard from the future.
The Renaissance Fair cause it makes me feel like an evil
wizard from the future.
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Acupuncture is a jab well done.....
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Be careful of what and when you say it....
Bill was about to fly from Los Angeles to New York.
After the takeoff he saw his old friend Jack walking past
him, so he stood up and greeted him: "Hi Jack!"
Bill is serving 30 to life.....
Be careful of what and when you say it....
Bill was about to fly from Los Angeles to New York.
After the takeoff he saw his old friend Jack walking past
him, so he stood up and greeted him: "Hi Jack!"
Bill is serving 30 to life.....
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Never play cards with a man named "Slick."
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You might be a redneck if...
The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with
the principal.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for
a few days.
Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to
figure out how to fix it.
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for
The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with
the principal.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for
a few days.
Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to
figure out how to fix it.
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for
Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally
absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.
Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally
absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.
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My wife said she is gonna leave me if i keep calling her fat.
I said "what about our baby?"
she asked "what baby?"
I said "you mean you are not pregnant!"
I said "what about our baby?"
she asked "what baby?"
I said "you mean you are not pregnant!"
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Every so often, I tell myself I should cut down on my
drinking.
Then I realise I'm nowhere near drunk enough to be
having this conversation with myself yet.
drinking.
Then I realise I'm nowhere near drunk enough to be
having this conversation with myself yet.
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