Saturday, August 11, 2012

Good M orning, Friends...
Stormy night, last night...
Ready for the weekend?
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Phobia: novercaphobia Fear of: step-mothers....

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I said to mywife, "I watched the Olympic
Weightlifting Competition."
She said, "The men's or women's?"
I said, "I haven't got a damn clue."

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This morning someone threw Skittles at me n yelled
"taste the rainbow"...
I ran their ass over n my car and yelled.........
"nationwide is on your side"
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As a highly skilled computer technician, Joe, was hired
to synchronize the communication between the microchips
in the various computers in a local network.
His new boss had left him instructions on a series of
post-it notes.
The slips of paper were so numerous and jumbled that
they were confusing to Joe and his colleagues.
Finally, Joe decided to ignore his boss's instructions.
He simply discarded the notes and successfully completed
the task on his own.
Upon his return, Joe's boss asked him to describe the
strategy that resulted in his success.
"That's easy," replied Joe...... "Lose slips, sync chips!"

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Question...
Do divorced witches have hex-husbands?

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Woke up next to a hairy beaver this morning.
Serves me right for getting drunk next to the creek last
night.

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They had been up in the attic together doing some cleaning.
The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked
her, "Hey Mom...what's this?"
"Oh...that's an old typewriter," she answered, thinking that
would satisfy their curiosity.
"Well what does it do?" they queried.
"I'll show you," she said and returned with a blank piece
of paper.
She rolled the paper into the typewriter and began striking
the keys, leaving black letters of print on the page.
"WOW!" they exclaimed, "that's really cool...
but how does it work like that?
Where do you plug it in?"
"There is no plug," she answered.
"It doesn't need a plug."
"Then where do you put the batteries?" they persisted.
"It doesn't need batteries either." she continued.
"Wow! This is so cool!" they exclaimed.
"Someone should have invented this a long time ago!"

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My wife says she enjoys the freedom of not wearing bra.
Personally, I think it's to help stretch out the wrinkles on
her face.