Monday, July 30, 2012

Good Morning....Friends.
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When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring.
When she was in a good mood it turned blue.
In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

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 Me and the wife were in town earlier when this woman
came over and said:
 "Your husband reminds me of my cat."
 "Don't tell me" she said, "smooth, sleek and loyal?"
 "No" she laughed, "they both like sitting in the tree outside
my bedroom window."

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    Laurel: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?
Hardy: To take a nap?
Laurel: No, to make a long-distance caw.

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 My wife says it's disgusting to pee in the bath.
I suppose I should wait until she gets out.

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The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal
Commission for Political Correctness announced today
that.....
The climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as
'English Weather'.....
Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population,
it will now be referred to as: 'Muslim Weather'
( Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite )

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 Obama Administration reportedly runs food stamps across
the border with Mexico in an operation code-named
"Fat And Furious"

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Q: How can you tell if a blond is a good cook?
A: She gets the poptart out of the toaster in one piece.

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Three cowboys - Billy, Rex and Chuck - were drinking at
the local bar.
Billy said, "Did you hear that bugger Roy bought a new car.
I bet he's going to start bragging about it the moment he
enters this bar."
Rex said, "You should not be judgmental about him.
Roy's a good lad.
I am sure he's just gonna say a 'hi' when he walks in."
"I know Roy better than either of you," said Chuck.
"He's a smart guy, he'll find a way to do both.
Here he comes now."
Roy swung open the bar door and yelled, "Audi, fellas!"

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 I had plastic surgery last week.
I cut up my credit cards.

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 One day while at the doctor's office, the receptionist
called me to the desk to update my personal file.
Before I had a chance to tell her that all the information
she had was still correct, she asked, "Has your birthdate
changed?"

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Useless Knowledge;
The monarch butterfly can discern tastes 12,000 times
more subtle than those perceivable by human taste buds.

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In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
       Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

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Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you
always end up praying a lot.




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