Hot today with t-storms....
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A teacher was taking her first golf lesson.
"Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor.
"Putt' is correct," he replied.
"Put' means to place a thing where you want it.
'Putt' means a klutzy but unsuccessful attempt to do the
same thing."
"Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor.
"Putt' is correct," he replied.
"Put' means to place a thing where you want it.
'Putt' means a klutzy but unsuccessful attempt to do the
same thing."
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I've been trying to teach my parrot to talk for the past
few weeks and today he finally managed it.
He said, "Look, my name is Frank, not Polly, and no I don't
want a damn cracker."
few weeks and today he finally managed it.
He said, "Look, my name is Frank, not Polly, and no I don't
want a damn cracker."
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Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the
doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that
a bacon sandwich works best!
doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that
a bacon sandwich works best!
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'You should be ashamed,' the father told his son, Andy.
'When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten
miles every day to get to school.'
'Really?' Andy responded.
'Well, when he was your age, he was president.'
'When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten
miles every day to get to school.'
'Really?' Andy responded.
'Well, when he was your age, he was president.'
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I'm in trouble again.....
Yesterday I was getting my thermos of iced tea ready to go
to work and I told my wife, "I like my iced tea like I like
my women".
She smiled at me and batted her eyelashes.
"Sweeeeeeet?????"
I should have agreed with her right away or at least kept
my mouth shut.
But I didn't.
"Nope" I replied...... "Weak and bitter".
Then the fight started.....
Yesterday I was getting my thermos of iced tea ready to go
to work and I told my wife, "I like my iced tea like I like
my women".
She smiled at me and batted her eyelashes.
"Sweeeeeeet?????"
I should have agreed with her right away or at least kept
my mouth shut.
But I didn't.
"Nope" I replied...... "Weak and bitter".
Then the fight started.....
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I had plastic surgery last week.
I cut up my credit cards.
I cut up my credit cards.
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In New Haven, Connecticut two goats and 25 chickens
were found living in an apartment.
The owners had originally bought them for their Farmville
farm on Facebook but when they found out it wasn't real
they had to keep them.
were found living in an apartment.
The owners had originally bought them for their Farmville
farm on Facebook but when they found out it wasn't real
they had to keep them.
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A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect
mate: "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves
water sports, and enjoys group activities."
Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."
A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect
mate: "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves
water sports, and enjoys group activities."
Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."
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Joe is declared dead at the hospital after he was involved
in a car accident.
His funeral procession was going up a steep hill on main
street when the door of the hearse flies open accidentally
and the coffin falls out then speeds down the busy street
and crashes into a pharmacy.
The lids pops open and Joe, the deceased says to the
dazed pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin'?"
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in a car accident.
His funeral procession was going up a steep hill on main
street when the door of the hearse flies open accidentally
and the coffin falls out then speeds down the busy street
and crashes into a pharmacy.
The lids pops open and Joe, the deceased says to the
dazed pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin'?"
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