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Democracy is that form of government where everybody
gets what the majority deserves.
Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to "get lost" in
such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you find
a large enough rock.
gets what the majority deserves.
Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to "get lost" in
such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you find
a large enough rock.
••
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.
Do whatever your enemies do not want you to do.
Doing a good job around here is like wetting your pants in
a dark suit; you get a warm feeling, but nobody notices.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you cannot be replaced,
you cannot be promoted.
Don't be so open minded that your brain falls out.
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.
Do whatever your enemies do not want you to do.
Doing a good job around here is like wetting your pants in
a dark suit; you get a warm feeling, but nobody notices.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you cannot be replaced,
you cannot be promoted.
Don't be so open minded that your brain falls out.
••
A drunk comes home, stumbles into the kitchen and
prepares himself a cup of tea.
He then proceeds to carry it to the bedroom.
As he lies down next to his wife, holding the tea cup he
slurs, "Do lemons have little yellow feet?"
The wife looks at him: "No!"
"Damn!" he says.
"Then I squeezed the canary into my tea."
prepares himself a cup of tea.
He then proceeds to carry it to the bedroom.
As he lies down next to his wife, holding the tea cup he
slurs, "Do lemons have little yellow feet?"
The wife looks at him: "No!"
"Damn!" he says.
"Then I squeezed the canary into my tea."
••
A three-year-old had been told several times to get ready
for bed.
The last time his mom told him, she was every insistent.
His response was, "Yes, Sir!"
Since he was talking to his mother (and she is a woman),
it was not expected of him to call her "Sir".
"You would say, 'yes sir,' to a man, I am a lady, and you
would say 'Yes Ma'am,' to a lady," Mom said.
To quiz him on is lesson; she then asked him, "What would
you say to Daddy?"
"Yes Sir!" was the reply
"Then what would you say to Mama?"
"Yes, Ma'am!" he proudly answered.
"Good boy! Now what would you say to Grandma?"
He lit up and said, "Can I have a cookie?"
for bed.
The last time his mom told him, she was every insistent.
His response was, "Yes, Sir!"
Since he was talking to his mother (and she is a woman),
it was not expected of him to call her "Sir".
"You would say, 'yes sir,' to a man, I am a lady, and you
would say 'Yes Ma'am,' to a lady," Mom said.
To quiz him on is lesson; she then asked him, "What would
you say to Daddy?"
"Yes Sir!" was the reply
"Then what would you say to Mama?"
"Yes, Ma'am!" he proudly answered.
"Good boy! Now what would you say to Grandma?"
He lit up and said, "Can I have a cookie?"
••
If you think that MONEY can't buy you HAPPINESS,
then you aren't spending it right.
then you aren't spending it right.
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An elderly lady knocks on the door of the young couple
that had just moved into the building.
The husband answers.
"I heard that you're newlyweds, and just got back from
your honeymoon," she says.
"I have these two tickets to the theatre, and if you and your
wife would like to see a show, I'll give 'em to you."
"Thank you," the guy says,"my wife's in the shower,
I'll ask her."
He turns around calls out to his wife: "Hey, honey: would
you like to see Oliver Twist?"
"You show me one more trick with that damn thing,
"she calls back, "and I'm going home to my mother."
that had just moved into the building.
The husband answers.
"I heard that you're newlyweds, and just got back from
your honeymoon," she says.
"I have these two tickets to the theatre, and if you and your
wife would like to see a show, I'll give 'em to you."
"Thank you," the guy says,"my wife's in the shower,
I'll ask her."
He turns around calls out to his wife: "Hey, honey: would
you like to see Oliver Twist?"
"You show me one more trick with that damn thing,
"she calls back, "and I'm going home to my mother."
••
Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
••
Terrorist In the wake of Bin Laden's death,
Radical Muslims have gone on a rampage in Southern
California, killing anyone who's a legal US citizen.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 2 or 3.
I will keep you posted on future developments...
Radical Muslims have gone on a rampage in Southern
California, killing anyone who's a legal US citizen.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 2 or 3.
I will keep you posted on future developments...
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