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A politician is guaranteed to do two things when elected.
1. Vote to raise his wages and benefits.
2. Vote to raise your taxes.
1. Vote to raise his wages and benefits.
2. Vote to raise your taxes.
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GET RICH SCHEME;
Caution: This is not for the clumsy.....
Are you interested in making $$$$ fast?
Here's an incredibly simple way to do it,
and there is nothing to buy,
no investment to make,
no money to lose!
Try it now!
Follow this simple procedure:
1) Hold down the shift key.
2) Hit the 4 key four times fast.
Caution: This is not for the clumsy.....
Are you interested in making $$$$ fast?
Here's an incredibly simple way to do it,
and there is nothing to buy,
no investment to make,
no money to lose!
Try it now!
Follow this simple procedure:
1) Hold down the shift key.
2) Hit the 4 key four times fast.
••
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I just can't put it down.
I just can't put it down.
••
On a given night, two death row prison inmates are
scheduled to be electrocuted on 'Old Sparky.'
While one execution is in progress, the priest
administers the last rites to the other condemned
man in his cell.
"Don't worry, my son," says the pastor, "as soon as
the high voltage reaches your brain, it numbs all your
senses, so you won't feel a thing."
Suddenly some horrible screams are heard
throughout the entire cell block.
The pastor immediately asks one of the guards,
"What is all this screaming about?"
"Not to worry pastor, we had a power failure, so we're
finishing the first execution by candles."
scheduled to be electrocuted on 'Old Sparky.'
While one execution is in progress, the priest
administers the last rites to the other condemned
man in his cell.
"Don't worry, my son," says the pastor, "as soon as
the high voltage reaches your brain, it numbs all your
senses, so you won't feel a thing."
Suddenly some horrible screams are heard
throughout the entire cell block.
The pastor immediately asks one of the guards,
"What is all this screaming about?"
"Not to worry pastor, we had a power failure, so we're
finishing the first execution by candles."
••
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
To stop the snoring before it starts.
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For a few years I'd been fighting a persistent plantar
wart on the ball of my foot and big toe.
I'd tried everything - over the counter treatments,
soaking, pumice stones, and freezing.
In desperation I asked my new doctor about the
problem and he suggested I put duct tape on it.
When I got home, I looked up duct tape for wart
treatment and found that it is as good if not better
than other treatments so I put duct tape on it.
Two weeks later the wart was gone.
The next time I saw the doctor I thanked him and
asked if there was anything that duct tape can't fix.
He paused for a second and without looking up said,
"erectile dysfunction."
wart on the ball of my foot and big toe.
I'd tried everything - over the counter treatments,
soaking, pumice stones, and freezing.
In desperation I asked my new doctor about the
problem and he suggested I put duct tape on it.
When I got home, I looked up duct tape for wart
treatment and found that it is as good if not better
than other treatments so I put duct tape on it.
Two weeks later the wart was gone.
The next time I saw the doctor I thanked him and
asked if there was anything that duct tape can't fix.
He paused for a second and without looking up said,
"erectile dysfunction."
••
My dad is retired now, and he moved to Florida.
And its really great to be able to finally go down and visit
him now that hes finally able to do those things in life that
hes always wanted to do, which apparently is start drinking
at noon and then head on out to buy me ugly shirts.
And its really great to be able to finally go down and visit
him now that hes finally able to do those things in life that
hes always wanted to do, which apparently is start drinking
at noon and then head on out to buy me ugly shirts.
••
An inebriated judge returned to court after a long
lunch.
In the first case, a man is charged with drunk driving who
pleaded not guilty.
"I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed.
The judge said, "In that case, you are sentenced to 45 days."
lunch.
In the first case, a man is charged with drunk driving who
pleaded not guilty.
"I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed.
The judge said, "In that case, you are sentenced to 45 days."
••
The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it?
I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks
back, it turns out I'm now America's third biggest
lender.
I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks
back, it turns out I'm now America's third biggest
lender.
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