Ready for a laff...?
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♥
I accidently ran over..... my neighbor's cat this morning.
I was afraid to tell her so I just left her a note saying;
"curiosity was here".
I was afraid to tell her so I just left her a note saying;
"curiosity was here".
••
Tina asks Bill, "Will you love me when I'm old and graying?"
Bill replies, "Just love you? I shall admire you.
I shall worship the very ground that you walk on.
I shall...", then asks hesitantly, "you're not going to look like
your mother, are you?"
Bill replies, "Just love you? I shall admire you.
I shall worship the very ground that you walk on.
I shall...", then asks hesitantly, "you're not going to look like
your mother, are you?"
••
Hoping to lose some weight, my wife told me she wanted to get an
exercise bicycle.
I reminded her that she had a very nice and rather expensive bike
in the garage.
She explained that she wanted a stationary one.
"Your bicycle has been stationary," I remarked.
"That's why you need to lose ten pounds."
A skillet just missed my head by inches.......
she will be getting a stationary bicycle by evening.
exercise bicycle.
I reminded her that she had a very nice and rather expensive bike
in the garage.
She explained that she wanted a stationary one.
"Your bicycle has been stationary," I remarked.
"That's why you need to lose ten pounds."
A skillet just missed my head by inches.......
she will be getting a stationary bicycle by evening.
••
A workman was killed at a construction site.
The police began questioning a number of the other workers.
Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers
were considered prime suspects.
They were a motley crew:
-- The electrician was suspected of wiretapping
The police began questioning a number of the other workers.
Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers
were considered prime suspects.
They were a motley crew:
-- The electrician was suspected of wiretapping
once but was never charged.
-- The carpenter thought he was a stud.
He tried to frame another man one time.
-- The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past.
He still claims that he didn't do anything,
-- The carpenter thought he was a stud.
He tried to frame another man one time.
-- The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past.
He still claims that he didn't do anything,
that he was framed.
-- The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.
-- The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor
-- The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.
-- The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor
was known to pack heat.
He was arrested once but duct the charges.
-- The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.
-- The cabinetmaker is an accomplished counter fitter.
The autopsy led the police to arrest the carpenter,
who subsequently confessed.
The evidence against him was irrefutable,
He was arrested once but duct the charges.
-- The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.
-- The cabinetmaker is an accomplished counter fitter.
The autopsy led the police to arrest the carpenter,
who subsequently confessed.
The evidence against him was irrefutable,
because it was found
that the workman, when he died, was hammered.
that the workman, when he died, was hammered.
••
As a dental hygienist, I try to relieve my patients'
anxiety by going over the procedures before
starting.
After talking to one patient, a police officer,
I asked him if he had any questions.
I must have been a little too graphic in my
description, because he replied, "I have just one.
I've never given you a ticket, have I?"
anxiety by going over the procedures before
starting.
After talking to one patient, a police officer,
I asked him if he had any questions.
I must have been a little too graphic in my
description, because he replied, "I have just one.
I've never given you a ticket, have I?"
••
The Feds put out a report stating that smoking marijuana has no
real medical benefits.
I guess they overlooked the fact that it helps 25 million
real medical benefits.
I guess they overlooked the fact that it helps 25 million
unemployedAmericans not give a shit.
••
Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy, was engaged to a 22-year-old
woman and then at the last minute it fell apart and they didn't get
married.
Guess what? They're back together.
Once again they're sharing his adjustable hospital bed.
Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy, was engaged to a 22-year-old
woman and then at the last minute it fell apart and they didn't get
married.
Guess what? They're back together.
Once again they're sharing his adjustable hospital bed.
••
I asked my eighth graders, "Why are you looking
forward to becoming a teenager?"
A student answered, "You're treated more like an
adult because you are getting closer to adultery."
forward to becoming a teenager?"
A student answered, "You're treated more like an
adult because you are getting closer to adultery."
