Google is slow
this morning.....
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You might be a redneck if...
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
You've ever hitchhiked naked.
You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.
Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your
false teeth.
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending
against your dog.
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My Sexy Hot Neighbor.....
She's single... She lives right across the street.
I can see her house from my living room.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street and up
my driveway.
She knocked on my door...
I rushed to open it.
She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so
horny!
I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and
make love all night long!
Are you busy tonight?"
I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free...
I have no plans at all!"
Then she said, "Good!
In that case, could you watch my dog?"
MAN... IT'S NO FUN GETTING OLD!!!
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At a country-club party a young man was
introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and
flattering her outrageously.
The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a
bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch.
She was amazed when after 30 minutes he
seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she said.
"We only met a half hour ago.
How can you be so sure?
We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young man declared.
"For the past 5 years I've been working in the
bank where your father has his account."
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Why do Giraffes have such longs necks? because they have extremly smelly feet...
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There was a knock on the door this past Saturday morning.
I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man
standing there who said: "Hello sir, I'm a
Jehovah's Witness."
So I said "Come in and sit down."
I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked
"What do you want to talk about?"
He said, "Beats the chit out of me! Nobody ever
let me in before."
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People who say that onions are the only vegtable to
make you cry have never been hit in the face with a potato!
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Some race horses are staying in a stable.
One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races,
I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won
28!", says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog
has been sitting there listening.
"I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound,
"but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed.
"Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence.
"A talking dog."
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Henry Hill, the mobster who became an FBI informant and
was the basis for the lead character in the movie "Goodfellas," has died at the age of 69 due to an
undisclosed illness.
I believe that illness was "informant-itis."
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