Ready for the Holiday weekend..?
••
See what ya get......
First place prize....
••••••
•••
♥
Congratulations to former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.
The city of San Francisco has named a street after her today.
It's called Botox Avenue.
The city of San Francisco has named a street after her today.
It's called Botox Avenue.
••
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled,
Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"
Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"
••
Sven asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian
and a canoe?"
"No, I don't," said Ole
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Sven.
and a canoe?"
"No, I don't," said Ole
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Sven.
••
A man went to a medical clinic for an
electrocardiogram.
While the technician was lining up her machine,
he told her he has dextrocardia.
"What's that?" she asked.
"It means my heart is on the right side of my chest
rather than on the left," he answered.
"You should set up your machine to accommodate
that."
As she attached the wires, she asked casually,
"Tell me, have you had that for long?
electrocardiogram.
While the technician was lining up her machine,
he told her he has dextrocardia.
"What's that?" she asked.
"It means my heart is on the right side of my chest
rather than on the left," he answered.
"You should set up your machine to accommodate
that."
As she attached the wires, she asked casually,
"Tell me, have you had that for long?
••
What will today’s younger generation tell their
children they had to do “without”?
children they had to do “without”?
••
A guy walks into a bar with a small dog.
The bartender says, "Get out of here with that
dog!"
The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog...
this dog can play the piano!"
The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that
piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on
the house!"
So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and
the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart... and
the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.
Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small
dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.
The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all
about?"
The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother.
She wanted him to be a doctor."
A guy walks into a bar with a small dog.
The bartender says, "Get out of here with that
dog!"
The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog...
this dog can play the piano!"
The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that
piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on
the house!"
So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and
the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart... and
the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.
Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small
dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.
The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all
about?"
The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother.
She wanted him to be a doctor."
••
I'm such a lousy singer, I've been told it's better
to put it in writing ..
to put it in writing ..
••
Al Gore has a new girlfriend.
Apparently, it's getting pretty serious.
He's already been over to bore her parents.
Apparently, it's getting pretty serious.
He's already been over to bore her parents.
••
Virgin Atlantic announced that on a select number
of flights, passengers will be able to use their
cellphones to make calls.
I think I would honestly rather they filled the
plane with killer bees than allow this.
of flights, passengers will be able to use their
cellphones to make calls.
I think I would honestly rather they filled the
plane with killer bees than allow this.
••
I used to hate red lights before text messages was
invented!
invented!
