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A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a
Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins.
"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of
fertilization.
That is when God instills the spark of life into the
fetus."
"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at
birth, because that is when the baby becomes an
individual and is capable of making its own
decisions and must learn about sin."
"You're both wrong," said the rabbi.
"Life begins when the children have graduated
from college and moved out of the house."
Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins.
"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of
fertilization.
That is when God instills the spark of life into the
fetus."
"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at
birth, because that is when the baby becomes an
individual and is capable of making its own
decisions and must learn about sin."
"You're both wrong," said the rabbi.
"Life begins when the children have graduated
from college and moved out of the house."
••
The other day someone asked me why I always
have such nice coats but the lousiest, torn pants.
Nobody ever takes their pants off in a restaurant.
have such nice coats but the lousiest, torn pants.
Nobody ever takes their pants off in a restaurant.
••
A janitor has graduated from Columbia University
with honors as a classics major.
With his new degree in classics, he's now qualified
to become a janitor.
with honors as a classics major.
With his new degree in classics, he's now qualified
to become a janitor.
••
The homeowner was delighted with the way the
painter had done all the work on his house.
"You did a great job." he said and handed the
man a check.
"Also,in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to
take the missus out to dinner and a movie."
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the
painter.
Thinking the man had forgotten something he
asked, "What's the matter, did you forget
something?"
"Nope," replied the painter.
"I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner
and a movie like you asked."
painter had done all the work on his house.
"You did a great job." he said and handed the
man a check.
"Also,in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to
take the missus out to dinner and a movie."
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the
painter.
Thinking the man had forgotten something he
asked, "What's the matter, did you forget
something?"
"Nope," replied the painter.
"I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner
and a movie like you asked."
••
During a training cruise, a destroyer was weaving
its way through a myriad of islands and small
fishing boats.
Although it was a clear day, the radar was in
operation to train the reservists.
A report came from the radar room to the bridge,
"Target bearing 230º and believe it to be a log."
Unimpressed by this superb job of radar
interpretation, the young officer of the deck
scanned the water with his powerful glasses.
Perceiving a pair of sea gulls on top of the
accurately-reported log, he barked, "Radar, this is
the bridge.
Regarding your last reported target, there are two
seagulls on that log, which you failed to report!"
There was a long silence as the radar antenna was
swung about and pointed in the direction of the
log.
Then the voice of the chief radar man was heard,
"Regarding the last sighting, we have a correction
to make, sir.
One is a male and the other, a female.
During a training cruise, a destroyer was weaving
its way through a myriad of islands and small
fishing boats.
Although it was a clear day, the radar was in
operation to train the reservists.
A report came from the radar room to the bridge,
"Target bearing 230º and believe it to be a log."
Unimpressed by this superb job of radar
interpretation, the young officer of the deck
scanned the water with his powerful glasses.
Perceiving a pair of sea gulls on top of the
accurately-reported log, he barked, "Radar, this is
the bridge.
Regarding your last reported target, there are two
seagulls on that log, which you failed to report!"
There was a long silence as the radar antenna was
swung about and pointed in the direction of the
log.
Then the voice of the chief radar man was heard,
"Regarding the last sighting, we have a correction
to make, sir.
One is a male and the other, a female.
••
A Republican official says that Mitt Romney should
pick "an incredibly boring white guy as running
mate."
When he heard that, Joe Biden said, "Thanks,
I've already got a gig."
pick "an incredibly boring white guy as running
mate."
When he heard that, Joe Biden said, "Thanks,
I've already got a gig."
••
A new survey has determined that the most used
sexual position for married couples is the doggie
style.
The husband sits up and begs.
The wife rolls over and plays dead.
sexual position for married couples is the doggie
style.
The husband sits up and begs.
The wife rolls over and plays dead.
••
Two old men are sat on a bench at the park.
A young, smoking hot girl runs past in a sports
bra and a tiny pair of shorts.
One of the men smiles and this brings the girl over.
"Why are you staring at me and grinning, you
pervert?" she says.
The old man sweetly replies "My dear I'm not
smiling at you, I'm smiling at the thought that no
matter how bad the world gets, there will always
be young, pretty girls in the summer to cheer up a
lonely old man"
The girl replies "awwwww you sweet old man"
leans in and gives him a kiss on the cheek and
jogs on.
The old man turns to his friend and says "3 to zip,
your turn".
A young, smoking hot girl runs past in a sports
bra and a tiny pair of shorts.
One of the men smiles and this brings the girl over.
"Why are you staring at me and grinning, you
pervert?" she says.
The old man sweetly replies "My dear I'm not
smiling at you, I'm smiling at the thought that no
matter how bad the world gets, there will always
be young, pretty girls in the summer to cheer up a
lonely old man"
The girl replies "awwwww you sweet old man"
leans in and gives him a kiss on the cheek and
jogs on.
The old man turns to his friend and says "3 to zip,
your turn".
••
President Obama released his financial disclosure
statement today.
It turns out he is now worth over $10 million.
So at least somebody is doing well in this economy.
statement today.
It turns out he is now worth over $10 million.
So at least somebody is doing well in this economy.
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