Gonna be a nice day.......
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♥
I was going through customs from Canada into
Alaska in 1980 and I noticed a glass cabinet on
the wall showing samples of drug contraband.
I little while later a saw a hippie looking closely as
the display and when a boarder patrol officer
walked by the hippie turned and said, "Excuse me,
how much is that pipe?"
Alaska in 1980 and I noticed a glass cabinet on
the wall showing samples of drug contraband.
I little while later a saw a hippie looking closely as
the display and when a boarder patrol officer
walked by the hippie turned and said, "Excuse me,
how much is that pipe?"
••
I was coming back from Canada, driving through
Customs, and the guy asked, "Do you have any
firearms with you?"
I said: "What do you need?"
Evidently that was the wrong thing to say but,
on the bright side I don't need a colonoscopy now...
Customs, and the guy asked, "Do you have any
firearms with you?"
I said: "What do you need?"
Evidently that was the wrong thing to say but,
on the bright side I don't need a colonoscopy now...
••
I wear my wife's glasses because she wants me
to see things her way.
to see things her way.
••
Did you know that if you place your ear up to a
complete stranger's foot, you can actually hear
them saying "what the hell are you doing?!"
complete stranger's foot, you can actually hear
them saying "what the hell are you doing?!"
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Rasheed from Saudi Arabia was visiting the
United States for the very first time.
He arrived at JFK Airport and after clearing
customs and collecting his suitcase he exited the
terminal and hailed a Yellow Cab, intending to
travel to Manhattan.
By chance the driver, Vincente, was a crusty old
Italian from Brooklyn who had been driving cabs
for 40 years and resembled Robert De Niro.
Once he is seated, Rasheed asked the Yellow Cab
driver to turn off the radio because, as decreed
by Islam and the holy prophet Mohammed
(Peace be upon him), he must not hear music
and in the time of the prophet, there was no
music; especially Western music, which is music
of the infidel.
So, Vincente promptly switched off the radio,
stopped his Yellow Cab on the side of the Long
Island Expressway, and opened the back door.
Rasheed said "What are you doing"?
Vincente replied "In the time of the prophet
there were no Yellow Cabs...
so get out and wait for a blooming camel"!
United States for the very first time.
He arrived at JFK Airport and after clearing
customs and collecting his suitcase he exited the
terminal and hailed a Yellow Cab, intending to
travel to Manhattan.
By chance the driver, Vincente, was a crusty old
Italian from Brooklyn who had been driving cabs
for 40 years and resembled Robert De Niro.
Once he is seated, Rasheed asked the Yellow Cab
driver to turn off the radio because, as decreed
by Islam and the holy prophet Mohammed
(Peace be upon him), he must not hear music
and in the time of the prophet, there was no
music; especially Western music, which is music
of the infidel.
So, Vincente promptly switched off the radio,
stopped his Yellow Cab on the side of the Long
Island Expressway, and opened the back door.
Rasheed said "What are you doing"?
Vincente replied "In the time of the prophet
there were no Yellow Cabs...
so get out and wait for a blooming camel"!
••
When I am looking for a date I always look for a
woman who has a tattoo.
I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking,
okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a
decision she’ll regret in the future.
woman who has a tattoo.
I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking,
okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a
decision she’ll regret in the future.
••
A new study shows that women with big breasts
are smarter than women with smaller breasts.
Though to be fair, the guy who conducted the
study admits he wasn’t really listening.
are smarter than women with smaller breasts.
Though to be fair, the guy who conducted the
study admits he wasn’t really listening.
••
My friends a Jehovahs Witness.
He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell
me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.
He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell
me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.
••
A friend of a friend of mine was sitting on a lawn
sunning and reading, when he was startled by a
fairly late model car crashing through a hedge and
coming to rest on his lawn.
He helped the elderly driver out and sat him on a
lawn chair.
"My goodness" he exclaimed, "you are quite old to
be driving!"
"Yes" he replied," I am old enough that I don't
need a license anymore, the last time I went to my
doctor he examined me, and asked if I had a
driving license.
I told him yes and handed it to him."
He took scissors out of a drawer, cut the license
into pieces and threw them in the wastebasket".
"You won't be needing this anymore", he said.
"So I thanked him and left."
A friend of a friend of mine was sitting on a lawn
sunning and reading, when he was startled by a
fairly late model car crashing through a hedge and
coming to rest on his lawn.
He helped the elderly driver out and sat him on a
lawn chair.
"My goodness" he exclaimed, "you are quite old to
be driving!"
"Yes" he replied," I am old enough that I don't
need a license anymore, the last time I went to my
doctor he examined me, and asked if I had a
driving license.
I told him yes and handed it to him."
He took scissors out of a drawer, cut the license
into pieces and threw them in the wastebasket".
"You won't be needing this anymore", he said.
"So I thanked him and left."
