Ready for the weekend??
Don't Forget Mom Sunday...
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Oh, My....
Your Cat wants in....
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So....it turns out same sex marriage is something
to do with homosexuals.
I thought it referred to the missionary position.
to do with homosexuals.
I thought it referred to the missionary position.
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My wife and I bought a cat flap.
I'm not the world's best handyman, so I decided
to make the installation job simpler by removing
the door and laying it on the lawn.
I proceeded to fit the cat-flap template and cut out
the hole.
This took a lot of time.
When I finished, I put the door back in its frame.
It looked great, except for one minor detail:
I had installed the cat flap at the top.
"Well, you have two choices," said my straight-faced
wife, "Buy a new door, or buy a trampoline and
teach the cat to jump."
I'm not the world's best handyman, so I decided
to make the installation job simpler by removing
the door and laying it on the lawn.
I proceeded to fit the cat-flap template and cut out
the hole.
This took a lot of time.
When I finished, I put the door back in its frame.
It looked great, except for one minor detail:
I had installed the cat flap at the top.
"Well, you have two choices," said my straight-faced
wife, "Buy a new door, or buy a trampoline and
teach the cat to jump."
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Did you know....
An escalator never breaks . . . it only becomes stairs..
An escalator never breaks . . . it only becomes stairs..
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Due to increasing budget cuts, the federal
government has decided that all cattle guards in
the United States shall be laid off within the next
6 months.
However, Nancy Pelosi has agreed that all shall be
granted a generous severance package.
government has decided that all cattle guards in
the United States shall be laid off within the next
6 months.
However, Nancy Pelosi has agreed that all shall be
granted a generous severance package.
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Same shit, different day.
Probably should change my boxers.
Probably should change my boxers.
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A mother was having a hard time getting her son
to go to school in the morning.
"Nobody in school likes me," he complained.
"The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me,
the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus
drivers hate me, the school board wants me to
drop out, and the custodians have it in for me.
I don't want to go to school."
"But you have to go to school," said his mother
sternly.
"You're healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have
something to offer others, you are a leader.
And besides, you are 45 years old and you are
the Principal."
to go to school in the morning.
"Nobody in school likes me," he complained.
"The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me,
the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus
drivers hate me, the school board wants me to
drop out, and the custodians have it in for me.
I don't want to go to school."
"But you have to go to school," said his mother
sternly.
"You're healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have
something to offer others, you are a leader.
And besides, you are 45 years old and you are
the Principal."
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I wonder if the clothes in China say,
"made just around the corner"......
I wonder if the clothes in China say,
"made just around the corner"......
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On opening his new store, a man received a
bouquet of flowers.
He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card,
that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy".
While puzzling over the message, his telephone
rang.
It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the
wrong card.
"Oh, it's alright" said the storekeeper.
"I'm a businessman and I understand how these
things can happen."
"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your
card to a funeral party."
"Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.
"Congratulations on your new location"
was the reply.
bouquet of flowers.
He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card,
that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy".
While puzzling over the message, his telephone
rang.
It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the
wrong card.
"Oh, it's alright" said the storekeeper.
"I'm a businessman and I understand how these
things can happen."
"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your
card to a funeral party."
"Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.
"Congratulations on your new location"
was the reply.
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If a wheelchair athlete used WD-40, would it be
considered a performance enhancing substance?
considered a performance enhancing substance?
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President Obama has a new campaign slogan,
"Forward." He's hoping we don't look back at
what he didn't do.
He's essentially saying, "we should look forward
at what we do do," which kind of makes him the
doo-doo president.
"Forward." He's hoping we don't look back at
what he didn't do.
He's essentially saying, "we should look forward
at what we do do," which kind of makes him the
doo-doo president.
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