••
A resting place...
••••••••••••
••••••
•••
♥
During a physical, the doctor asked his patient
about his daily activity level.
"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge
of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild
dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down
several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy,
crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an
aggressive rattlesnake and took four 'leaks' behind
big trees."
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You sound
like one hell of an outdoors man!"
'No,' he replied, "I'm just a very shitty golfer."
about his daily activity level.
"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge
of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild
dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down
several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy,
crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an
aggressive rattlesnake and took four 'leaks' behind
big trees."
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You sound
like one hell of an outdoors man!"
'No,' he replied, "I'm just a very shitty golfer."
••
One time, I was riding the escalator and I tripped.
I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
••
Court Martial Judge to Lt. Hancock, who is on
trail for murder, penalty death:
Judge: "Any more such outbursts and you will
find yourself in serious trouble."
Hancock chuckles.
Judge: "You find this amusing?!?"
Hancock: "Well, I was just wonderin, how much
serious it could be."
Court Martial Judge to Lt. Hancock, who is on
trail for murder, penalty death:
Judge: "Any more such outbursts and you will
find yourself in serious trouble."
Hancock chuckles.
Judge: "You find this amusing?!?"
Hancock: "Well, I was just wonderin, how much
serious it could be."
••
Ask a silly question...
Is it Ok ro use the AM radio after noon?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal
injections?
So, what's the speed of dark?
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant
like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Is it Ok ro use the AM radio after noon?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal
injections?
So, what's the speed of dark?
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant
like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
••
I took two stuffed dogs I had onto the Antiques
Roadshow.
"Ooh," Said the presenter, "This is a very rare
breed, do you have any idea what they'd fetch if
they were alive?"
"Sticks?" I replied.
Roadshow.
"Ooh," Said the presenter, "This is a very rare
breed, do you have any idea what they'd fetch if
they were alive?"
"Sticks?" I replied.
••
"How come you're late?" asked the bartender,
as the blonde waitress walked into the bar.
"It was awful," she explained.
"I was walking down Elm street and there was a
terrible accident.
A man was thrown from his car and he was lying
in the middle of the street.
His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and
there was blood everywhere.
Thank God I took thatfirst-aid course.
"What did you do?" asked the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to
keep from fainting!"
as the blonde waitress walked into the bar.
"It was awful," she explained.
"I was walking down Elm street and there was a
terrible accident.
A man was thrown from his car and he was lying
in the middle of the street.
His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and
there was blood everywhere.
Thank God I took thatfirst-aid course.
"What did you do?" asked the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to
keep from fainting!"
••
Dozens of people who were in line at the Motor
Vehicle Department began to cheer when a
spokesman came out to announce,
"We have found a way to shorten the line,"
but their cheers ended quickly when he added,
"We would like you each to move a bit closer
together."
Vehicle Department began to cheer when a
spokesman came out to announce,
"We have found a way to shorten the line,"
but their cheers ended quickly when he added,
"We would like you each to move a bit closer
together."
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