another rainy day....
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♥
President Obama has revealed his new re-election
slogan -- "Forward."
That's a good message for Obama.
He's telling voters, "Whatever you do, don't look
back at all those campaign promises I made." -
slogan -- "Forward."
That's a good message for Obama.
He's telling voters, "Whatever you do, don't look
back at all those campaign promises I made." -
••
When President Calvin Coolidge declined to seek
reelection, a reporter asked him why he wouldn't
run again.
"Because there's no chance for advancement."
the president said.
reelection, a reporter asked him why he wouldn't
run again.
"Because there's no chance for advancement."
the president said.
••
A Redneck was having a tough time lugging his
lumpy, over-sized travel bag onto the plane.
Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed
to stuff it in the overhead bin.
"Do you always carry such heavy luggage?"
she sighed.
"No more," the redneck said.
"Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my partner
can buy the ticket!"
lumpy, over-sized travel bag onto the plane.
Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed
to stuff it in the overhead bin.
"Do you always carry such heavy luggage?"
she sighed.
"No more," the redneck said.
"Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my partner
can buy the ticket!"
••
A blind guy goes to the baker and asks for
30 poppy seed breads.
The baker asks him: 'You must be getting people
over for breakfast...?'
Blind guy: 'Nope, I'm going on holiday for 3 weeks,
and I like the stories on them'..
30 poppy seed breads.
The baker asks him: 'You must be getting people
over for breakfast...?'
Blind guy: 'Nope, I'm going on holiday for 3 weeks,
and I like the stories on them'..
••
One day little Johnny comes to his father and asks,
"Dad, what is sex?"
His father is taken aback on hearing this question.
but patiently explains him everything about sexual
intercourse.
Johnny replies,"That's OK dad, but how am I
supposed to write all that in this small box in this
form."
"Dad, what is sex?"
His father is taken aback on hearing this question.
but patiently explains him everything about sexual
intercourse.
Johnny replies,"That's OK dad, but how am I
supposed to write all that in this small box in this
form."
••
Bob is driving home through a country area one
evening when he suddenly catches sight of
something in the headlights, right in the middle
of the road.
He slams on the brakes and gets out of the car to
investigate.
As he gets closer, he sees it's a squirrel, but
smeared from head to foot in shit.
"The poor wee animal," thinks Bob, so he rushes
back to the car and grabs a box of Kleenex to
clean up the squirrel.
When he's finished and the squirrel has skipped
back into the undergrowth, another squirrel jumps
out of the bush, again completely covered in shit.
Bob sets about wiping the shit off this poor squirrel
and just as it strolls happily back into the bushes
yet another hops out and it's plastered in shit as
well.
"What is going on here?" says Bob, as he starts to
clean up the third squirrel.
Suddenly, a voice comes from the bushes:
"Hey! Could I have a couple of those Kleenexes?
I'm running out of squirrels."
evening when he suddenly catches sight of
something in the headlights, right in the middle
of the road.
He slams on the brakes and gets out of the car to
investigate.
As he gets closer, he sees it's a squirrel, but
smeared from head to foot in shit.
"The poor wee animal," thinks Bob, so he rushes
back to the car and grabs a box of Kleenex to
clean up the squirrel.
When he's finished and the squirrel has skipped
back into the undergrowth, another squirrel jumps
out of the bush, again completely covered in shit.
Bob sets about wiping the shit off this poor squirrel
and just as it strolls happily back into the bushes
yet another hops out and it's plastered in shit as
well.
"What is going on here?" says Bob, as he starts to
clean up the third squirrel.
Suddenly, a voice comes from the bushes:
"Hey! Could I have a couple of those Kleenexes?
I'm running out of squirrels."
••
For someone who is expecting Seventy Virgins you
gotta think wearing an underwear bomb is a bit
risky.....
gotta think wearing an underwear bomb is a bit
risky.....
••••
