Ready for a great weekend...?
Maybe thunder boomer, but
what the hey?
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MILK....???
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♥
A dentist to a suffering patient:
"I'm afraid this tooth needs to come out.
Don't worry, it'll only take a couple of minutes,
but it will cost you an extra $110."
"What? Don't you think it's excessive for a few
minutes' work?"
"Well, I can take it out really slowly if you prefer."
"I'm afraid this tooth needs to come out.
Don't worry, it'll only take a couple of minutes,
but it will cost you an extra $110."
"What? Don't you think it's excessive for a few
minutes' work?"
"Well, I can take it out really slowly if you prefer."
••
Why does SeaWorld have a seafood restaurant?
I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize,
Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner....
I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize,
Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner....
••
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed
his order.
He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights
and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to
appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the
cook, "This guy out there just ordered three
flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running
boards.
What does he think this place is ... an auto parts
store?"
"No," the cook said.
"Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of
headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running
boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde.
She thought about it for a moment and then
spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the
customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for,
Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for
the flat tires, headlights and running boards,
you might as well gas up!"
his order.
He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights
and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to
appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the
cook, "This guy out there just ordered three
flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running
boards.
What does he think this place is ... an auto parts
store?"
"No," the cook said.
"Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of
headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running
boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde.
She thought about it for a moment and then
spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the
customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for,
Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for
the flat tires, headlights and running boards,
you might as well gas up!"
••
Burger King announced that all their chickens and
pigs will all be raised cage free.
In response, chickens and pigs said, "That's cool.
Now let's talk about the part where we get turned
into sandwiches."
Burger King announced that all their chickens and
pigs will all be raised cage free.
In response, chickens and pigs said, "That's cool.
Now let's talk about the part where we get turned
into sandwiches."
••
For some reason, everyone but Lenore got the
wrong answer on the science test.
"Tell me," the teacher asked her after returning
the papers, "how did you know that heat causes
objects to expand, and cold causes them to shrink?"
"Because I'm no dope," she said.
"In the summer, when it's hot, the days are longer.
And in the winter, when it's cold, they're shorter."
wrong answer on the science test.
"Tell me," the teacher asked her after returning
the papers, "how did you know that heat causes
objects to expand, and cold causes them to shrink?"
"Because I'm no dope," she said.
"In the summer, when it's hot, the days are longer.
And in the winter, when it's cold, they're shorter."
••
"The problem with the designated driver program,
it's not a desirable job.
But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun
with it.
At the end of the night, drop them off at the
wrong house."
it's not a desirable job.
But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun
with it.
At the end of the night, drop them off at the
wrong house."
••
A police officer found a perfect spot to catch
speeders, but wasn't getting many.
Then he discovered the problem, a 10-year-old boy
was standing up the road with a hand-painted
sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD"
The officer then found a young accomplice down
the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket
full of money.
speeders, but wasn't getting many.
Then he discovered the problem, a 10-year-old boy
was standing up the road with a hand-painted
sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD"
The officer then found a young accomplice down
the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket
full of money.
••
Sitting at the bar and wanting a snack...
watched the bartender put a dish of peanuts on
the bar.
A patron to my left snatched up the dish and
began munching.
The bartender put another dish of peanuts to my
right and that too was appropriated by a customer.
I sat there, hungry and embarrassed...
a victim of peanuts envy....
watched the bartender put a dish of peanuts on
the bar.
A patron to my left snatched up the dish and
began munching.
The bartender put another dish of peanuts to my
right and that too was appropriated by a customer.
I sat there, hungry and embarrassed...
a victim of peanuts envy....
