••
What the LL??
••••••••••••
•••
•••
♥
A guy had been feeling down for so long that he
finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts
then waited for the profound wisdom of the
psychiatrist to make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took
some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few
minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of
delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is
low self-esteem.
It is very common among losers."
finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts
then waited for the profound wisdom of the
psychiatrist to make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took
some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few
minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of
delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is
low self-esteem.
It is very common among losers."
••
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just
a few items and the lady behind me put her things
on the belt close to mine.
I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep
by the cash register and placed it between our
things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items,
she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for
the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me,
'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think
I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and
left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just
a few items and the lady behind me put her things
on the belt close to mine.
I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep
by the cash register and placed it between our
things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items,
she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for
the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me,
'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think
I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and
left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
••
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over
platter.
platter.
••
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Adolf.
Adolf who?
Adolph ball hit me in de mowf.
Dat's why I dawk dis way.
Who's there?
Adolf.
Adolf who?
Adolph ball hit me in de mowf.
Dat's why I dawk dis way.
••
When you dream in color......
it's a pigment of your imagination.
it's a pigment of your imagination.
••
A guy walks into a bar and there's a donkey serving
drinks.
The donkey asks, "What are you staring at?
Haven't you ever seen a donkey tending bar before?"
The guy says, "It's not that.
I just never thought the parrot would sell the place."
drinks.
The donkey asks, "What are you staring at?
Haven't you ever seen a donkey tending bar before?"
The guy says, "It's not that.
I just never thought the parrot would sell the place."
••
Everyday I beat my own previous record for
number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
••
What did the chicken say when she saw
a scrambled egg?
What a crazy, mixed up kid.
a scrambled egg?
What a crazy, mixed up kid.
(@ @)
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