We had a great weekend,
hope you did too...
••
Feeding the sharks...?
Okay, Okay...I'm leaving.....
••••••••••••
••••••
•••
♥
A California man and a Montana man were
hunting in the woods when an illegal alien runs
across a field.
The Montana man takes careful aim, shoots, and
drops him.
"You can't do that!" cried the Californian.
"No, no, it's legal here in Montana " replies
the man.
Later that night the Californian buys some beer
and puts it on the roof of his truck to open the
door.
Just then an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer,
and runs away.
The Californian thinks "No problem", draws his
pistol, shoots, and drops him.
As he is getting his beer, the police come and
arrest him.
"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens
here in Montana”, protests the Californian.
"Well, yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."
hunting in the woods when an illegal alien runs
across a field.
The Montana man takes careful aim, shoots, and
drops him.
"You can't do that!" cried the Californian.
"No, no, it's legal here in Montana " replies
the man.
Later that night the Californian buys some beer
and puts it on the roof of his truck to open the
door.
Just then an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer,
and runs away.
The Californian thinks "No problem", draws his
pistol, shoots, and drops him.
As he is getting his beer, the police come and
arrest him.
"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens
here in Montana”, protests the Californian.
"Well, yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."
••
The judge asked the man: why did you stab your
wife 186 times?
The man replied: Your honor, I just couldn't
figure out how to turn the darn electric knife off.
wife 186 times?
The man replied: Your honor, I just couldn't
figure out how to turn the darn electric knife off.
••
Dust if you must........
Remember...a layer of dust protects the wood
beneath it.
A house becomes a home when you can write
"I love you" on the furniture.
I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend
making sure things were just perfect "in case
someone came over".
Finally I realized one day that no-one came over;
they were all out living life
and having fun!
NOW, when people visit, I don't have to explain
the condition of my home.
So, Dust if you must … but there's not much time
with beer to drink, rivers to swim and mountains
to climb , music to hear and books to read,
friends to cherish and life to lead.
It's not what you gather, but what you scatter
that tells what kind of life you have lived.
••
American rednecks have bought 200 septic tanks....
When they figure out how to drive them,
they plan to re-take Richmond.
The South will rise again.
American rednecks have bought 200 septic tanks....
When they figure out how to drive them,
they plan to re-take Richmond.
The South will rise again.
••
When a mother was six months pregnant with her
third child, her three year old came into the room
when she was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
The mother replied, "Yes, honey, remember
Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied,
"but what's growing in your rear?"
third child, her three year old came into the room
when she was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
The mother replied, "Yes, honey, remember
Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied,
"but what's growing in your rear?"
••
"I have good news and bad news,"
a defense attorney told his client.
"First the bad news: The blood test came back,
and your DNA is an exact match with the sample
found on the victim's clothing."
"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client.
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"
a defense attorney told his client.
"First the bad news: The blood test came back,
and your DNA is an exact match with the sample
found on the victim's clothing."
"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client.
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"
••
After eating a whole bull, a mountain lion felt so
good that he startrd to roar until a hunter came
along and shot him…
Morale??
When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
good that he startrd to roar until a hunter came
along and shot him…
Morale??
When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
••
A family was having dinner on Mother's Day......
For some reason the mother was unusually quiet.
Finally the husband asked what was wrong.
"Nothing," said the woman.
Not buying it, he asked again.
"Seriously, what's wrong?"
"Do you really want to know?
Well, I'll tell you.
I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for
15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell
me so much as 'Thank you'."
"Why should I?" he said.
"Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father's Day
gift."
"Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother.
For some reason the mother was unusually quiet.
Finally the husband asked what was wrong.
"Nothing," said the woman.
Not buying it, he asked again.
"Seriously, what's wrong?"
"Do you really want to know?
Well, I'll tell you.
I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for
15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell
me so much as 'Thank you'."
"Why should I?" he said.
"Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father's Day
gift."
"Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother.
