••
•••••••••••••••
•••••••••
•••
♥
A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic
to one little boy.
So she said, "If you reached in your right pocket
and found a nickel, and you reached in your left
pocket and found another one, what would you
have?"
"Somebody else's pants."
to one little boy.
So she said, "If you reached in your right pocket
and found a nickel, and you reached in your left
pocket and found another one, what would you
have?"
"Somebody else's pants."
••
Hot news fron Afghanistan folks; from tomorrow,
absolutely no television sets will be allowed.
...due to the tellyban...
absolutely no television sets will be allowed.
...due to the tellyban...
••
A woman answered her front door and found
Little Johnny and Billy holding a list.
"Lady," Johnny explained, "we are on a scavenger
hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat,
a pork chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper
to earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied.
"Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
Little Johnny and Billy holding a list.
"Lady," Johnny explained, "we are on a scavenger
hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat,
a pork chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper
to earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied.
"Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
••
Theres only two kinds of people in the world that
own scales: people who think they're fat and drug
dealers.
own scales: people who think they're fat and drug
dealers.
••
Here's an example of something you never say at
a job interview: Can I have my resume back?
Its my only copy.
a job interview: Can I have my resume back?
Its my only copy.
••
"Hot Cross Buns" was actually the name of Jesus'
first aerobics DVD...
first aerobics DVD...
••
The professor of a contract law class asked one of
his better students, "If you were to give someone
an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged.
"No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him
"I hereby give and convey to you all and singular,
my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim
and advantages of and in, said orange, together
with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all
rights and advantages with full power to bite,
cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give
the same away with and without the pulp, juice,
rind and seeds, anything herein before or
hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments
of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the
contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."
his better students, "If you were to give someone
an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged.
"No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him
"I hereby give and convey to you all and singular,
my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim
and advantages of and in, said orange, together
with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all
rights and advantages with full power to bite,
cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give
the same away with and without the pulp, juice,
rind and seeds, anything herein before or
hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments
of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the
contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."
••
Judge: "Have you anything to offer to this Court
before I pass sentence?"
Defendant: "No your honor, my lawyer took
every penny."
before I pass sentence?"
Defendant: "No your honor, my lawyer took
every penny."
••
I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently.
I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free
French Fries.
I decided to give them a try.
I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of
fries from the fryer, which was dripping with fat.
He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my
order.
"Just a minute!" I said...... "Those aren't fat-free."
"Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes . . .
the fat is free!"
I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free
French Fries.
I decided to give them a try.
I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of
fries from the fryer, which was dripping with fat.
He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my
order.
"Just a minute!" I said...... "Those aren't fat-free."
"Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes . . .
the fat is free!"
•••••••
