Ready for the weekend?
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♥
I knocked on my neighbours door and said,
"My son was just about to cut the grass but he
can't seem to operate the lawnmower properly,
could I borrow yours?"
"Yeah, sure" he replied.
I said, "Great, tell him to hurry up, I've got friends
coming round for a BBQ in an hour."
"My son was just about to cut the grass but he
can't seem to operate the lawnmower properly,
could I borrow yours?"
"Yeah, sure" he replied.
I said, "Great, tell him to hurry up, I've got friends
coming round for a BBQ in an hour."
••
How did the moose keep his antlers from being
stolen?
He locked horns with another moose.
stolen?
He locked horns with another moose.
••
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker
came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
"How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied, "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, huh?"
came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
"How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied, "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, huh?"
••
A young man called his mother and announced
excitedly that he had just met the woman of his
dreams.
Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her
flowers, and on the card invite her to your
apartment for a homecooked meal?”
He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged
a date for a week later.
His mother called the day after the big date to see
how things had gone.
“The evening was a disaster,” he moaned.
“Why, didn’t she come over?” asked his mother.
“Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook.”
excitedly that he had just met the woman of his
dreams.
Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her
flowers, and on the card invite her to your
apartment for a homecooked meal?”
He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged
a date for a week later.
His mother called the day after the big date to see
how things had gone.
“The evening was a disaster,” he moaned.
“Why, didn’t she come over?” asked his mother.
“Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook.”
••
The happy couple were being interviewed on their
Golden Wedding Anniversary.
The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did
you ever consider a divorce?"
"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for
that," the husband replied.
"Murder sometimes," the wife offered "but never
divorce."
Golden Wedding Anniversary.
The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did
you ever consider a divorce?"
"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for
that," the husband replied.
"Murder sometimes," the wife offered "but never
divorce."
••
When we finished a personality assessment at work,
I asked my friend Dan if he would share the results
with his wife.
"That would require me to go home and say,
Hi, honey......
I just paid someone $400 to tell me what's wrong
with me," he said.
"And based on that, considering we've been
married 23 years, she'd hand me a bill for about
$798,000."
I asked my friend Dan if he would share the results
with his wife.
"That would require me to go home and say,
Hi, honey......
I just paid someone $400 to tell me what's wrong
with me," he said.
"And based on that, considering we've been
married 23 years, she'd hand me a bill for about
$798,000."
••
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the
nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the
homecoming.
She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry.......
I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman.
"I didn't realize you were pregnant."
nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the
homecoming.
She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry.......
I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman.
"I didn't realize you were pregnant."
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