••
•••••••••••••••
•••••••••
•••
♥
Two old guys were sitting in a bar having a few.
The one turns to the others and says "you know I
have been driving for 40 years and I've never had
a wreck"
The other looks up and says, "I've been driving a
wreck for 40 years and never had a car"
The one turns to the others and says "you know I
have been driving for 40 years and I've never had
a wreck"
The other looks up and says, "I've been driving a
wreck for 40 years and never had a car"
••
From time to time my wife puts on her wedding
dress.
Not because she's sentimental.
She really gets that far behind with the laundry.
From time to time my wife puts on her wedding
dress.
Not because she's sentimental.
She really gets that far behind with the laundry.
••
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human
race appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve
and they had children and so all mankind was
made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same
question.
The father answered, 'Many years ago there were
monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the
human race was created by God and Dad said they
all developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family and your
father told you about his.'
race appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve
and they had children and so all mankind was
made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same
question.
The father answered, 'Many years ago there were
monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the
human race was created by God and Dad said they
all developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family and your
father told you about his.'
••
There's been a zombie outbreak in Las Vegas.
It's OK though, it's staying in Vegas.
It's OK though, it's staying in Vegas.
••
An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house
the following: “Please send me one of those
gasoline engines for my boat you show on page
561, and if it’s any good, I’ll send you a check.”
In a short time he received the following reply:
“Please send check.
If it’s any good, we’ll send the engine.”
the following: “Please send me one of those
gasoline engines for my boat you show on page
561, and if it’s any good, I’ll send you a check.”
In a short time he received the following reply:
“Please send check.
If it’s any good, we’ll send the engine.”
••
"President Obama released his tax returns.
It turns out he made $900,000 less in 2011 than
he did in 2010.
You know what that means?
Even Obama is doing worse under President
Obama."
"President Obama released his tax returns.
It turns out he made $900,000 less in 2011 than
he did in 2010.
You know what that means?
Even Obama is doing worse under President
Obama."
••
I failed a Health and Safety course at work today.
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire,
what steps would you take?"
"Big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire,
what steps would you take?"
"Big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.
••
During an Army war game, a commanding officer’s
jeep got stuck in the mud.
The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby
and asked them to help him get it unstuck.
“Sorry sir,” said one of the loafers, “but we’ve been
classified dead, and the umpire said we couldn’t
contribute in any way.”
The C.O. turned to his driver and said, “Go drag a
couple of those dead bodies over here, and throw
them under the wheels to give us some traction.”
jeep got stuck in the mud.
The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby
and asked them to help him get it unstuck.
“Sorry sir,” said one of the loafers, “but we’ve been
classified dead, and the umpire said we couldn’t
contribute in any way.”
The C.O. turned to his driver and said, “Go drag a
couple of those dead bodies over here, and throw
them under the wheels to give us some traction.”
•••••
•••••
♫
