Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning....
Well, it's hump day....
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Was a big thing, one time....

Cat House??

She ain't telling.....

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♥

I went into the barber's shop and asked to have
something really different.
"I'm tired of looking like everyone else!
Part my hair from ear-to-ear," I said.
The barber did as he was told, but I went back a
couple days later and asked for my old style back.
"What's wrong?" asked the barber, "I thought you
wanted to be a non-conformist."
"I do, but I'm tired of people whispering in
my nose!"

••

Lynn and Mark, my sister and her husband,
were chatting with some friends when the subject
of marriage counselling came up.
"We'll never need that," Lynn explained. 
" Mark was a communications major in college,
and I majored in theatre. 
So he communicates real well, and I act like
I'm listening."

••

A woman had for years criticized her friend for
being extremely disorganized.
After helping her friend move to a new apartment,
she felt she might have been unfair.
She carried one box into the new home which
was labeled, "stuff I picked up from the floor."

••

At a training session in the fire station,
the team was assembled around the kitchen table.
The training officer was discussing the behavior
of fire: "You pull up to a house and notice puffs
of smoke coming from the eaves, blackened out
windows and little or no visible flame.
What does this tell you?" he asked.
Expecting to hear that 'the house is in a possible
backdraft situation,' a condition very dangerous
to fire fighters, he instead heard from one quick
wit, "You got the right place."

••
After a car crash one of the drivers is lying
injured at the side of the road.
'Don't worry,' said a policeman, a Red Cross
nurse is coming to attend to you.'
Oh no,' groaned the victim, 'couldn't I have a
blonde, cheerful one?'

••

I said to my wife, "I was just reading in a
scientific paper today that blades of grass can
actually feel pain...... Amazing isn't it?"
"Nice try Bubba.
The lawnmower's in the shed."

••

The level of pollution in the world today is
becoming intolerable.
Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to
find it was full of oil and all the fish were dead.
 

••
The psychology teacher had just finished a
lecture on mental health and was giving an oral
test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression,
she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient
who walks back and forth screaming at the top of
his lungs one minute, then sit in a chair weeping
uncontrollably the next?"
 A young man in the rear raised his hand and
answered. "A football coach?"

••

In his science class, my ten-year-old grandson
Sam was learning about hibernation. 
He brought his test paper home the day after the
exam.
One question was:  "Into what state of inactivity
do animals go during the winter months?"
Sam had pencilled in: "Florida"

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