Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning....
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I fired my masseuse today.
She just rubbed me the wrong way.

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Public service announcement;
Since the use of phone land lines has fallen the
FCC will be blowing out all the lines on Tuesday
April 9th at 09:00 PST.
Please be sure to cover all your land line
telephones with a plastic bag so the dust won't go
all over your furniture.
Cell phones may be just rinsed in luke warm water
from the sink.
Thank you.

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I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.
He says he can stop any time.

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A team of doctors attended the delivery of
quintuplets who were able to walk immediately
after the umbilical cords were cut.
The senior doctor was asked to explain this
unusual occurrence.
"I guess they had a lot of practice."
said the doctor.
"What do you mean, practice?" asked a junior
colleague.
"They were just born!"
The doctor replied,
"Well, it was standing womb only."

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I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.

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My wife was away all weekend at a business
conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect.
Our six-year-old son picked up the phone and
heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on
the line.
Will you accept the charges?"
 Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came
charging outside screaming, "Dad!
They've got Mom! And they want money!"

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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I just can't put it down.

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Q: Why does a man twist his wedding ring on
his finger?
A: He's trying to figure out the combination.

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