Going to be a great Day....
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♥
I've ran at least 5 miles everyday this week.,
and I feel like I'm in much better shape.
Although I don't have a clue where I'm at.
and I feel like I'm in much better shape.
Although I don't have a clue where I'm at.
During a tour of Oklahoma, President Teddy
Roosevelt went to see an old friend, Quanah Parker,
the chief of the Comanches.
Parker showed Roosevelt around and pointed out
all the concessions he'd made to living like a white
man.
His children even attended the white man's school.
Roosevelt was appreciative but said, "Look, dear
friend, why don't you set your people a better
example?
A white man has only one wife.
You live with five squaws.
Give up four of them and live with the fifth.
That would really be living as the white man does."
The chief mulled over the notion, then said,
"I will do as you suggest on one condition.
You choose the one I am to live with,
then you go tell the other four!"
Roosevelt went to see an old friend, Quanah Parker,
the chief of the Comanches.
Parker showed Roosevelt around and pointed out
all the concessions he'd made to living like a white
man.
His children even attended the white man's school.
Roosevelt was appreciative but said, "Look, dear
friend, why don't you set your people a better
example?
A white man has only one wife.
You live with five squaws.
Give up four of them and live with the fifth.
That would really be living as the white man does."
The chief mulled over the notion, then said,
"I will do as you suggest on one condition.
You choose the one I am to live with,
then you go tell the other four!"
••
So my wife asked me ....
"What TV show title do you think sums me up
best, sweetie?"
What I remember....
I saw stars and woke up 3 hours later
with my ass on the floor, massive headache,
and a huge lump on the back of my head.
I think saying "Probably Deadliest Catch" was
not the right answer.
So my wife asked me ....
"What TV show title do you think sums me up
best, sweetie?"
What I remember....
I saw stars and woke up 3 hours later
with my ass on the floor, massive headache,
and a huge lump on the back of my head.
I think saying "Probably Deadliest Catch" was
not the right answer.
••
A man stubbed his toe so badly he decided to go
to the doctor.
When he arrived at the office, the nurse directed
him to remove his clothes and wait in the next
room.
"I just hurt my toe," complained the man.
"Why do I need to take off my clothes?"
"Everyone who sees the doctor has to undress,"
explained the nurse politely.
"It's our policy."
"Well, I think it's a stupid policy!
Making me undress just to look at my toe! Geeez!"
From the next room another man's voice piped up. . .
"That's nothing! I just came here to fix the
telephone!"
A man stubbed his toe so badly he decided to go
to the doctor.
When he arrived at the office, the nurse directed
him to remove his clothes and wait in the next
room.
"I just hurt my toe," complained the man.
"Why do I need to take off my clothes?"
"Everyone who sees the doctor has to undress,"
explained the nurse politely.
"It's our policy."
"Well, I think it's a stupid policy!
Making me undress just to look at my toe! Geeez!"
From the next room another man's voice piped up. . .
"That's nothing! I just came here to fix the
telephone!"
••
What would you call an Arab who owns a harem
of cows?
A milk sheik!
of cows?
A milk sheik!
••
After losing another tooth, young-old Timmy
became more curious about the mysterious tooth
fairy.
Finally putting two and two together, he came
right out and asked his mother, “Mom, are you
the tooth fairy?”
Assuming he was old enough to hear the truth,
she replied, “Yes Timmy, I am.”
Timmy seemed to take this news quite well.
But as he headed for the door, he slowly turned
back toward his mother with a curious look on
his face and said, “Wait a minute mom.
How do you get into the other kids’ houses?”
became more curious about the mysterious tooth
fairy.
Finally putting two and two together, he came
right out and asked his mother, “Mom, are you
the tooth fairy?”
Assuming he was old enough to hear the truth,
she replied, “Yes Timmy, I am.”
Timmy seemed to take this news quite well.
But as he headed for the door, he slowly turned
back toward his mother with a curious look on
his face and said, “Wait a minute mom.
How do you get into the other kids’ houses?”
••
Why cant Chinese Barbecue?
Because the rice falls through the grill.
Because the rice falls through the grill.
••
Two dim-witted golfers are teeing off on a foggy
par-3.
They can see the flag, but not the green.
The first golfer hits his ball into the fog and the
second golfer does the same.
They proceed to the green to find their balls.
One ball is about 6 feet from the cup while the
other found it's way into the cup for a hole-in-one.
Both were playing the same type of balls,
Top-Flite 2, and couldn't determine which ball
was which.
They decide to ask the course pro to decide their
fate.
After congratulating both golfers on their fine
shots, the golf pro asks,
"Which one of you is playing the orange ball?"
par-3.
They can see the flag, but not the green.
The first golfer hits his ball into the fog and the
second golfer does the same.
They proceed to the green to find their balls.
One ball is about 6 feet from the cup while the
other found it's way into the cup for a hole-in-one.
Both were playing the same type of balls,
Top-Flite 2, and couldn't determine which ball
was which.
They decide to ask the course pro to decide their
fate.
After congratulating both golfers on their fine
shots, the golf pro asks,
"Which one of you is playing the orange ball?"
