A little chilly this morning...
••
I was just looking for your sox.....
Boy....times have changed....
Somebody goofed.....
•••••••••••••••
••••••••••
•••
♥
A R-ville man went for a job at the local stables
and the farmer said "Can you shoe horses?"
The R-ville man thinks for a minute and then says
"No,but I once told a donkey to get lost."
and the farmer said "Can you shoe horses?"
The R-ville man thinks for a minute and then says
"No,but I once told a donkey to get lost."
••
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound.
A. To get away from the sound.
••
The IRS wants a new simplified tax form that will
be idiot proof.
They'll test it out on Joe Biden.
••
"The wife of Republican New York gubernatorial
candidate Carl Paladino said she accepts that her
husband had an affair, that he has a mistress,
and the mistress had his baby.
He actually convinced her this is no big deal.
Guys, let me tell you this, don't try this at home.
This guy is a lawyer, a real estate developer, and
a politician.
That is the trifecta of professional liars....
The IRS wants a new simplified tax form that will
be idiot proof.
They'll test it out on Joe Biden.
••
"The wife of Republican New York gubernatorial
candidate Carl Paladino said she accepts that her
husband had an affair, that he has a mistress,
and the mistress had his baby.
He actually convinced her this is no big deal.
Guys, let me tell you this, don't try this at home.
This guy is a lawyer, a real estate developer, and
a politician.
That is the trifecta of professional liars....
••
Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe
and doesn't.
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe
and doesn't.
••
Years ago, I taught my wife how to hip-shoot a
12 gauge pump gun, to avoid the kick.
My manners improved right away.
Years ago, I taught my wife how to hip-shoot a
12 gauge pump gun, to avoid the kick.
My manners improved right away.
••
A frustrated father vented,
"When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by
being sent to my room without supper.
But in my son's room, he has his own color TV,
telephone, computer, and CD player."
"So what do you do?" asked his friend.
"I send him to MY room!" exclaimed the father.
"When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by
being sent to my room without supper.
But in my son's room, he has his own color TV,
telephone, computer, and CD player."
"So what do you do?" asked his friend.
"I send him to MY room!" exclaimed the father.
••
Q: What did the chicken say when she saw
scrambled eggs?
A: What a crazy, mixed up kid.
scrambled eggs?
A: What a crazy, mixed up kid.
••
A football coach walked into the locker room
before a game, looked over to his star player and
said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you
failed math, but we need you in there.
So, what I have to do is ask you a math question,
and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes
intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard
and tell me the answer to this.
What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then
answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that
he had got it right.
Suddenly all the other players on the team began
screaming...
"Come on coach, give him another chance!"
before a game, looked over to his star player and
said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you
failed math, but we need you in there.
So, what I have to do is ask you a math question,
and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes
intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard
and tell me the answer to this.
What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then
answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that
he had got it right.
Suddenly all the other players on the team began
screaming...
"Come on coach, give him another chance!"
••
"Red wine or White wine, ma'am?", The waiter
asked my blonde wife,
"It doesn't matter," she said, "I'm color blind."
asked my blonde wife,
"It doesn't matter," she said, "I'm color blind."
••
A blonde woke up late and had to run for the bus
with no breakfast.
At the next stop, another blonde got on, carrying
a bag from McDonald's.
The first blonde said, "Oh, I'm so hungry and that
smells so good..
"The second blonde said, "I have some Egg
McMuffins in there."
The first blonde asked, "If I guess how many, can
I have one?"
The second blonde said, "If you can guess how
many, you can have both."
The first blonde said, "Six?"
with no breakfast.
At the next stop, another blonde got on, carrying
a bag from McDonald's.
The first blonde said, "Oh, I'm so hungry and that
smells so good..
"The second blonde said, "I have some Egg
McMuffins in there."
The first blonde asked, "If I guess how many, can
I have one?"
The second blonde said, "If you can guess how
many, you can have both."
The first blonde said, "Six?"
••
